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18 Dad Jokes You Need To Annoy Your Family This Summer

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

Celah Convis

May 31, 2019

Eastern Michigan University

Instagram

If you're a college student, there's a high probability that you're out of school--and spending more time with your family. It can be hard to settle back into a rhythm with your family after so much time apart. Here is your solution: annoy them to tears with these so-bad-they're-good dad jokes.

1. How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

2. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Nevermind, it's tearable.

3. Did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut.

4. Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.

5. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

6. What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

7. I've never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot.

8. People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks.

We really need to raise the bar.

9. Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

Eleven years old, and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

10. My wife is angry with me because I have no sense of direction.

Giphy

So I packed up my stuff and right.

11. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down!

12. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

13. What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language!

14. My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

15. Justice is a dish best served cold.

If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

16. There are three unwritten rules to life:

17. If you see a robbery at the Apple store...

...does that make you an iWitness?

18. A termite walks into a bar and asks:

"Is the bar tender here?"

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

18 Dad Jokes You Need To Annoy Your Family This Summer

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

1. How many apples grow on a tree?

2. Want to hear a joke about paper?

3. Did you get a haircut?

4. Want to hear a joke about construction?

5. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

6. What's brown and sticky?

7. I've never gone to a gun range before.

8. People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks.

9. Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

10. My wife is angry with me because I have no sense of direction.

11. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

12. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

13. What is the least spoken language in the world?

14. My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

15. Justice is a dish best served cold.

16. There are three unwritten rules to life:

17. If you see a robbery at the Apple store...

18. A termite walks into a bar and asks:

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10 ways to prepare for finals week—beginning with getting to the library.

Who knows where we would be without them.

1. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even when they really aren’t funny.

2. Thank you for singing unbearably loud with me all the time.

3. Thank you for letting me vent to you for hours about anything and basically being my personal therapist.

4. Thank you for ordering pizza with me at 2 in the morning.

5. Thank you for all the movie days when we don’t feel like moving.

6. Thank you for being my workout buddy everyday.

7. Thank you for sharing your closets with me.

8. Thank you for taking naps with me at random hours during the day.

9. Thank you for cleaning our home with me when we absolutely need to.

10. Thank you for all the rides when it’s late and you don’t want me to walk home alone in the dark.

11. Thank you for studying with me in our kitchen when we didn't want to go the library.

12. Thank you for making dinner with me.

13. Thank you for helping with my hair, makeup and outfit every time we go out.

14. Thank you for taking countless ugly pictures with me.

15. Thank you for not judging me when I go too long without showering.

16. Thank you for making our apartment feel like a second home.

17. Thank you for being there through all of our boy troubles.

18. Thank you for giving me a hug when I feel homesick.

19. Thank you for getting excited with me when one of us gets a good grade on an exam.

20. Thank you for still being my friend and not judging me when I say or do dumb things.

21. Thank you for telling me what I should do when I am sick.

22. Thank you for dancing horribly with me everywhere we go.

23. Thank you for staying up super late with me when we aren’t tired or can’t sleep.

24. Thank you for being super weird with me.

25. Thank you for all the unforgettable college memories.

26. And most of all, thank you for being the best friends a girl could have.

I may or may not be stressing right now.

1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

5."I have no idea what I'm reading."

6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

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