I know fathers day passed and I'm a little late on the father's day post but I didn't know how to write this. I can't remember the last time I've given you anything to commemorate a holiday or birthday, so forgive me this letter is a little rusty. I'd like to start off and apologize. I held a lot of resentment towards you growing up for never being there. However, now that I'm older, I understand why.
It's never easy being a young parent and it sucked that you weren't around when I was a kid. During honor roll ceremonies, student-of-the-month awards, dance practice, soccer games, etc. I wished you were there. As a kid, I glorified you into some sort of superhero. A superhero that only came around after his 2-week bender ended or there was a birthday coming up. I never understood why you couldn't be like other fathers. Coming home after work, instead of to bars. Eating dinner with your family, instead of calling them to pick you up somewhere in the city 45 minutes away. I wanted my life to be different. I wanted you to be different, and I apologize for that.
It's difficult being a child and having to wrap your head around a parent's substance abuse issues. I never understood it when I was little but I managed to put the pieces together when I was older. I didn't understand how addiction controls a person's life. Thinking I could just tell you to stop was foolish of me. I was ignorant and held a lot of resentment towards you. I thought you were lazy, someone who didn't care about themselves or their family, and at the same time a selfish man who continued to fuel his dependencies. But now I realize you couldn't. Having dealt with substance abuse since the age of 13, it was ridiculous of me to assume you could stop just because I told you too.
Now that that chapter in your life has closed, I'd just like to say you're one of the strongest men I know, and for that, I am very appreciative for everything you provide for. Even though you weren't there for me growing up, I see the way you throw yourself into giving my siblings the best life they can have. It makes me very happy to know they'll have wonderful memories to look back on because they know the real you. The fun-loving, hilarious man that makes a great gumbo.
I'm so proud of you dad,
Grace
