You meet your best friend during your early adolescence and begin bonding over small things like music, movies, or celebrity crushes. You two grow closer to each other and get through some awkward stages of growing up. Perhaps you find more of yourselves, maybe experience some life-altering events together, and a few years down the road--you're inseparable. Time passes, and you grow to find more of yourself, in turn establishing your morals, world view, and sense of self. What happens when that person that was so close to you is growing differently? What is there to do when you begin to recognize that the "closeness" you once had with this person is actually turning into boundaries being broken, and lines being crossed?

I was always a people pleaser growing up. The environment that I lived in during my childhood taught me to avoid confrontation and essentially turned me into someone who couldn't muster the mental energy to handle simple conflict of everyday life. I was afraid of arguments, upsetting people, and ultimately lacked the confidence within myself to stand up for my needs for fear of having someone I cared so much about walk out of my life. This mentality and attempt to fill an emotional void made me allow anyone who wanted to step foot into my life stays, no matter how greatly or poorly they treated me.

Gaslighting, arguments, abandonment, emotional withholding, hazing, and even physical abuse--I failed to recognize how abusive these relationships were since they became a normalcy in my social circle. The interactions, mixed with other issues in my life, led me to seek help through therapy.

With each session, I grew healthier in mind, body, and spirit, and began to really analyze the components of each relationship that I had around me. I was told to visualize my life as a dinner table; who am I inviting to sit with me? Are these people that I'm bringing along sharing a dish? Thankful for the meal? Or, are they just taking whatever and making a mess of my table?

Figuratively, (and, sometimes literally) a lot of these people that I had invited into my life were really making huge messes around me, leaving it for only myself to clean up. After all these years of companionship, I was doing damage control, parenting people my own age, and constantly in defense mode about my own existence because I wasn't "doing enough" to meet my peers needs. After having a social circle like this for years, I've grown exhausted of being in an environment that no longer matched my internal locus of control.

Just as I invited these people into my life so long ago, I realized that it was appropriate to invite them out of my life as well.

Ending a relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial, is no easy feat. Ending multiple relationships that ranged from two to ten years long? It's even more daunting then I had imagined.

The beginning stages were quite lonely, honestly. How do I move on from these relationships? Am I making a mistake by letting these people go? Is it bad that I'm ridding so many people from my life in such a condensed period of time?

I was torn apart by these questions constantly for a few months, wondering how to let go and move forward. I realized, there are many different types of endings to relationships. Just like how some slowly begin and build up over time, they can also break down and drift over a similar period, too, and there's not anything necessarily wrong with that. I kept thinking in my head that these "breakups" needed to be some theatrical, clean cut from my life. However, slowly taking more time for myself and inviting other positive things into my life slowly pushed away from the toxicity and abuse that I allowed myself to endure for so long. Some people said something, others had no care to. Nonetheless, the weight I was carrying from these bonds lifted from my shoulders in weeks to come, and the isolation that I was feeling turned into an introspective period that helped me understand my wants and needs better.

I realized I was doing so much for others and letting my energy be taken by people who couldn't care less, leaving me dry for my own needs. The isolation I was feeling wasn't too far gone from how I had felt being trapped in those relationships, and it actually felt more freeing. I realized I would much rather be alone and happy with my own doings than to be with peers who make me question the validity of my own emotions and existence.

I learned during this period that I was making room in my life to invite people who love and respect me to gather at the metaphorical dinner table mentioned previously. Building these healthy bonds have taught me so much about myself, and has led me to value the importance of independence within interdependence.

This past year hasn't been easy. Losing so many people that occupied space for half of my life was quite difficult, but I learned that those relationships were causing more harm than anything. Quality over quantity, right?

Learning to love and respect yourself will catch the eye of others that want to love and respect you as well; setting those boundaries and inviting into your life those who truly respect your being will only solidify that you made the right choice to release the toxicity and do better for yourself.