If you're like me and you've had your fair share of people who haven't exactly been the kindest to you, then welcome to the club. If your life has been all butterflies and rainbows and you haven't had to deal with this, then I am very happy for you. To those who don't know how to identify toxic people/relationships, or how to completely cut them out of your life in order to better yourself, this one is for you.
How do you know if someone is toxic?
A toxic person is someone in your life that constantly pulls you down. They make you feel less than what you're worth, keeping you in relationships by guilt, playing the victim when they're in the wrong, getting you in trouble, plays with your emotions, and anything else they do that constantly makes you feel just terrible when you're around them.
A toxic person could be anyone from a partner, ex, friend, neighbor, family member, anyone that has somehow moved their way into your life. They could literally be anybody. For me, personally, I've, unfortunately, had/have multiple toxic people in my life from all those that I listed. As I recently ended another chapter with someone who I thought was my friend, I wrote down the best ways I can erase them from my life.
1. Your last conversation with them: delete it.
Text conversation, Facebook Messenger, Snapchat, and literally any other social media or a messaging app that you used to talk to them. Delete all of the conversations you had with them. That's the quickest thing to do, so do it first.
2. Voicemails? Gone.
This especially goes for partners and exes. If you have voicemails that you saved, delete them now. You don't want to check your voicemail the next time someone calls and then stumble upon their message with their voice. That's the last thing you need.
3. Unfollow them.
Go through all of your social media and unfriend/unfollow them. You don't need their negativity as a part of your digital life too. And then block them. This way they can't contact you even if they tried.
4. While you're on social media, delete your pictures of them.
Go through your Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat Memories, and anything else and just delete every picture you have with them. "What if I look good in this picture; can't I just scribble over them?". No. Commit to the bit. If you're going to cut them out, do it fully or don't do it at all. Go ahead and have your petty Twitter mental breakdown down, so then when you're done deleting pictures, you can go back and clean up your tweets.
5. Go through the photos everywhere else.
I recently deleted about 1,000 pictures between my laptop and my phone and it felt so great. It might take you a few times to get every single one, but it'll be better once you finally get rid of them all.
6. While we're still on your devices, delete their number.
Bonus points: block it.
Now we get to the real cathartic part of it:
7. Letters, notes, gifts: gone.
Trash them. You don't want any of these floating around your room for you to find. Besides, you're on a roll. Why stop now? Bonus points: tear up the letters and notes to get your aggression out. Alternative: put the pieces through a shredder.
8. Get some closure with yourself and write a letter.
This might sound crazy, but write a letter to the person you want to cut out. You're never going to send it, so don't worry about what you put in it. This letter is more for you than for them. It's a way for you to get all your emotions out on paper. Talk about the ways they hurt you. Don't sugarcoat anything. When you're done, tear it up like the rest of the letters and notes. This is for closure. Bonus points: listen, shout along, and dance to a song that they hate but you love.
9. Go be you without anyone's judgment.
You deserve to be 100% you. No one should be able to have the power to make you feel less than you. Now's your time to go out in the world with a fresh start. Breathe deep, take up a new hobby, and do something spontaneous. And maybe try to make some new friends.
When you start to realize that someone is really bringing you down, it's best to let go of them sooner rather than later. It hurts more when you have a full emotional connection with them, maybe years of spending life together. Sometimes life can be hard because other people make it hard for you. When you first think about cutting someone out, or when you first think that maybe they're not the person for you, don't give it time. It's like a band-aid: just rip it off. You'll end up feeling better.
