Growing up in a small town and going to school with all the same people for most of your life can be such a blessing. You grow up together and get to make memories that you will always have with each other.
But for me, a lot of those memories were painful. I was a part of a very small cliquey group that would do anything to make me feel small. I was the butt of every joke, and I would get criticized for every little thing I did. I had nowhere else to go because no one else would be my friend, and every time that I tried to stand up for myself, those girls I called "friends" twisted my words and would make me so angry that people would look at me like I was crazy.
The saddest part was that I cared so deeply for them and did everything I could to make them happy. It exhausted me to the point where I didn't even want to be friends with them anymore. All that we would do was fight and bicker, and there was no end in sight. I couldn't wait until high school was over because then my everyday hell would finally freeze over.
Graduation day came with a lot of tears. I was sad to be leaving the block where I'd attended school for 14 years, but at the same time, I knew that my new life was about to begin. I was so excited. We still hung out on occasion over the summer and kept in touch, but I knew that once the leaves began to change and when we went our separate ways for college, I would finally be able to live my life the way I always wanted.
It was really hard for me to let go of my friends for good because it's difficult to even bring up that topic and have that conversation. But lucky for me, the stars aligned and the fights began to happen. One by one, they dropped like flies.
They started arguments with me over my new boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend, lack of communication, etc. The opportunity had finally come to cut out these people who I was in extremely toxic relationships with. I had officially rid them out of my life and for the first time in my life, I actually felt free to be myself.
Now, I'm not going to sit here and badmouth these girls. They are good people and good to each other. The relationships that I had with these girls were not beneficial to my happiness or theirs. We truly were only friends because we had been forced together since we were young. The result of these people being removed from my life has made me feel more confident and more open to being myself and not care what others think of me.
The hardest part out of all of this is the process of trying to find friends who love and appreciate you for who you are. I'm still in that process currently, but from working a part-time job and starting school, things have been getting easier and I have found a few really good people I can depend on.
I love all of my co-workers, and I can always count on them to cheer me up and to complain with whenever we don't want to be there. I have made a few friends at school, and I have found some really good people who I love to be around. I have been on a journey of self-discovery since I finished high school last June. I have been trying to not only find who my true friends are, but who I am.
I have waited my whole life for these years to start, and they have been a real lesson for me in the past nine months. My family and my newfound friends have been so supportive of me on my journey thus far, and I really can't wait to see where I'm going to end up. To be completely honest, I would not be where I am today without those friendships that are no longer there. They have molded me into the thick skinned young woman that I am today. And for that, I will always be grateful.
