I am one of many that create a sense of self-worth based off not the acceptance of myself but by our perception of how the people around accept and view me. The amount of control I let others have over my life is very unhealthy.

Something as small as someone I know not acknowledging me when we are passing each other -- even if I know it’s because they didn’t see me -- to not getting invited to hang out with a group I have been trying really hard to be accepted into, there are so many little interpersonal interactions that go on to make me feel disliked, unaccepted, judged, or worthless that probably wouldn’t have the same negative effect on someone else.

The control I have allowed others, their actions, and my interpretation of themselves over determining the core beliefs I hold true about myself and my self-worth has caused me a lot of inner pain and loneliness.

The stronger and stronger one’s sense of worthlessness becomes the more one’s tendencies to misinterpreted people’s actions as an affirmation that they are weird, annoying, disliked, forgotten, or any other negative core belief becomes.

It usually starts out with an initial event; not being invited to a birthday party, gaining the courage to ask someone to do something only for them to be “busy”, being picked on, not feeling supported by family, whatever life event it is that initially sparks the initial belief in someone that they are less valued than others.

Maybe the next birthday party you are invited but feel left out, you text your friend about that rain check and they don’t respond right away, you overhear a comment someone is making to a friend that is similar to what you are typically picked on for and assume they are talking about you, or your family seems to pay attention to your sibling – all reinforce that initial feeling of worthlessness. It becomes a vicious cycle and only leads one to become even more convinced that they are unaccepted by others and therefore worthless.

As one begins to spiral deeper and deeper into their conception that they are worthless to others, it takes even the smallest of accouterments to affirm their belief. Until eventually one day someone walking past you without smiling makes you think it’s because they don’t like you, and simply not that they just didn’t see you.

I am one of those people that have let others and their acceptance of me have such a large effect on my self-worth that even an odd look that a catch a glimpse of a stranger making simply in my directions convinces me that they thought something is wrong with me.

While we all have been told that we should not form our self-worth by how others treat us, it is way too easy to still give others that power, where we are a society, were judgment and the need to fit in are so prevalent.

You never know when smiling at someone from class as you pass them in the hallway, dropping back when you are walking in a group so someone isn’t walking alone, or noticing when someone is being quiet in a group conversation could be that one small action that makes someone feel like they belong, that you see and value them as a person, and that they are worthy.

We always hear messages about how being unkind negatively effects someone’s view of themselves or how kindness can be that little thing that turns someone day around, but how often are we told about how kindness can actually increase someone's self-worth, that inclusiveness can go on to completely change someone’s view of themselves?

So, in case any of you were searching for another reason to spread kindness, there is one more for you.