Fear. Desire. Anger. Love. Motivation.

Emotions.

A hand shoves itself inside me and rips every last one out

I am empty.

All of the feelings are exchanged with control. The uttermost desire for control

I grasp control with the last bit of energy I have and vow to never let it go

The relationship I have always wanted, I have it now.

Wait.

There's a twist

This control, it controls me.

I stand face to face,

with myself.

The face that stares back at me, unrecognizable

Sunken eyes and a broken smile

I am prisoner to my own self as my mouth waters

A dark hole that will never be satisfied no matter how full or empty

Guns trigger everywhere making it impossible to avoid a bullet

A future memory never occurs

Current moments are never registered

Images of perfection are glued to my eyes like contacts

I am fading away, the face staring back at me is blurry now

Bricks tied to a string slowly drown me in fear

I've been drifting to the bottom for years, a bottomless pit

I lie to my face, promising change that will only turn in to a game

Light as a feather

I walk through life, dragged by the motions with a chain around my ribcage

Sucking me in by the minute and taking every heartbeat away one by one

I scribble nonsense on a pieces of paper, only to repeat myself the next day

A paper cut that keeps getting deeper, more painful

My mouth spits out knots of promises and lies, I forget what's up or down

A fist forms preparing to shatter the face that's staring back at me

But the control is too quick, too powerful

Time to get back to work

I scale myself, analyzing every inch of my canvas

It changes every single hour, my mind keeps morphing me

The devil sits upon my shoulder and whispers the loudest words of hate into my ears

envy wraps its hand around my neck and chokes me

The thinnest sheets of paper make the largest pile in the book of my life

Mutilation and self destruction run like clockwork

But don't worry….

My story doesn't end here