If I were asked, I would have to tell you that my most memorable moment in sports is not a moment but a series of a events. This series of events was career ending, shameful and even life altering to some. In late 2011 the winningest coach in all of college football was stripped of his title shortly before he also eared the title of longest college football coaching career. This was all shortly before succumbing to lung cancer.

I want to begin by saying I (still) am not sure what I think of this situation and am not here to defend anyone nor point fingers. I am here to tell about the story of Joe Pa and me.

Joe Paterno was involved in a scandal that covered up the sexual abuse of 8 boys over a 15 year time frame, some would even say the abuse started in the mid 1970’s, but none has been proven until the mid 1990’s. This is a 20- year period where people were hurt without justice. Though he was not the abuser, he did not speak up after being enlightened about the situation his assistant coach in 2002.

I grew up in a house where every Saturday everyone huddled around the TV dressed in navy blue and white with lots of snacks and spirit. Every so often someone who came to watch a game would yell “We are..” and from anywhere in the house everyone else would chant back “...Penn State”. I grew up a loyal Penn State Football Fan, full wardrobe and all, which for many years was something to be proud of due to their impeccable record. In the year 2011 being a Penn state football fan became shameful. Someone who was a respected leader in my world concealed life altering events for his fame and success was now someone who brought shame to a culture. Knowing this about someone nullifies all respect you have for them, no matter how much success and achievement they have been blessed with. I no longer wanted to be a fan of the man who ruined lives.

If you are not familiar with Penn State football it is a nation-wide culture of football, spirit, food, and excitement. On football weekends, State College (the town where Penn State is located

Many people, myself included, find it strange that Paterno passed away almost exactly two months after the scandal and coverup erupted. Officials say he died of lung cancer; there is speculation about suicide and assisted suicide, however. Up until the scandal broke, Paterno’s official statements on his lung cancer were that it was very treatable, though he planned on retiring as head coach at the end of the season, he planned on being around to see many more winning seasons. Now, not only is he not here to see these winning seasons, he cannot even receive credit for all the success he did have as a coach.

The fan base and morale of the Penn State football program crashed following the reveal of the scandal- no players wanted to be recruited to their football program and donors no longer wanted to support the institution (including its elite football program). This event affected so much more of the school than just the two coaches involved, but if affected every aspect of the sport, past, present and future.

Following the events in 2010/ 2011, I find myself in a strange spot as a life long Penn State football fan. No matter how much I want to be loyal to my team, I am also human - and every Saturday in the fall I find myself questioning how I can be a proud fan of an empire that caused scarring on so many lives.