"Hey I'm going to Cookout if anyone wants to come"
"I would but Natalie is asleep and I'm still packing. Could you get me a cajun wrap?"
"Oh. OK. Yeah."
"Are you doing OK, Maddog?"
"No, not really. I'll get your food."
That was the exchange I had around 12:30 am with my roommate's boyfriend who was visiting for the summer. I was having an anxiety attack because I was penting up all these thoughts and emotions and it was finally taking over. When I got back, he listened to me cry for an hour in the kitchen over $2.87 nuggets and a cajun wrap.
It was late. And he had to leave at the crack of dawn to go home. I told him he could go to bed and that this was all stupid but he responded with, "No. I've never seen you cry before. I want to help."
To which I replied with, "Well, crying is stupid."
Then he hits me with, "There's nothing wrong with crying, Maddy."
And he's right. I've said that to multiple people in the past but for whatever reason, in my head, it's OK for other people to cry in front of others but it's not OK for me to cry in front of others. Maybe that's because I hold myself to a high standard and crying in public just doesn't fly with my agenda. Or it could be that I always find myself listening to my friend's tears and I don't want to burden them with my own problems on top of their own. Whatever it is, that doesn't mean I haven't cried in public in the past. It just means that I will literally try to hide my true feelings in order to seem like I'm always fine even when sometimes, I'm not fine.
I know I'm not the only one who has trouble being emotional in front of other people but I just need to accept that it's OK and normal to express your feelings. As I always say (but never listen to because I'm the worst when it comes to taking my own advice), "bottling up your emotions is not healthy and it's OK to let it out to your friends." So, basically, I'm right but I just don't like listening to my own advice even though I should.
After crying and talking, I definitely felt better. Sure, it didn't solve the problems but I felt reassured that someone cared enough to sit through my ugly tears and blubbering. If I learned anything from this exchange, your friends will care about you and listen to you even when you think that they won't want to be bothered. Additionally, I learned that once you let it out, you will feel a bit relieved which definitely helps with calming down the stress and anxiety.
So go ahead. Let it out.
