I've been in college for almost a full year now, and I have seen a lot of new people. There are so many boys here that I have talked to, seen, or even just heard about. With this comes a lot of crushes.
I've been known to get crushes fairly easily. Whether it's because they were nice to me, if they play a sport I like to watch, or even if they're just hot, I have been known to fall very easily into the trap boys put out there.
In college, it's been very easy to act on crushes that I've had. In high school, if I had a crush, I would suppress it so deep down that no one ever knew about it. My way of showing someone I liked them was ignoring them or being mean to them, which obviously didn't work out in my favor.
Now that I am in college, I feel a lot more confident to make a move on someone. Sometimes they reciprocate it, sometimes they don't and I look stupid. Is this a better plan than what I had been doing in high school? Maybe, maybe not.
Either way, I mess things up for myself quite often. I always embarrass myself in front of crushes that I have and then get nervous and ghost them. Does this make me a jerk? Absolutely.
One crush I had I ended up hooking up with one time and he was really weird after that and he just wanted to hook up. I take responsibility for hooking up with him on the first night, but I thought that this could lead up to us talking, which it obviously wouldn't. I learned that day that in order to find my someone, I had to move past the people that only wanted me to hook up.
I obviously have stopped doing this due to the fact that I make myself look dumb and I know now that I don't always have to make the first move.
I liked making the first move because it really made me feel powerful in a sense. This was my way of switching the gender stereotypes and I loved it.
However, I have learned that whatever comes will come. Being laid back when it comes to relationships has NEVER been my strong suit. Seeing all my friends hook up with boys and date boys has always made me feel inferior because the attempts I made were either short-lived or never happened.
From that point on, I have decided to stop acting on the crushes I have. Whatever comes will come and I will find my perfect person one day. Whether that's tomorrow or ten years from now, I know he'll come. Until that happens, I still want to have fun and enjoy my college experience. However, I will not be acting on every single crush I have anymore.
Sometimes, just the idea of something is better than the reality.
Your imagination is something that you need to keep throughout your life because without it, the reality of life will set in and it might just eat you alive. Keep dreaming about that boy in Math class and that boy on the Baseball team and think of any scenarios you want. Your perfect someone is waiting out there for you, and he'll be here soon.
