Crush: (verb, noun) to deform, to pulverize, a brief but intense infatuation for someone; and this is the word we choose to describe the people that we hope to date some day. Aren't we basically dooming ourselves from the start? So here's a tribute to all the crushes of my teenage years that did just that, and to all the shows that have given me way too high of expectations for how a relationship starts.

(warning: House of Cards season 2 spoiler near the end: proceed at your own risk)

1. Time

Expectations: You spend years of your life liking someone from afar. Then magically the timing will be just right, you'll make a big romantic gesture, decline the job in New York, and they'll magically like you back.

Reality: You spend years of your life liking someone and they never see you as anything more than a friend at best. Then when it's time to leave, you say nothing because you know your plight is hopeless.

2. Group Work

Expectations: A teacher assigns a group project and you get paired with the cute boy you've always wanted to know better. The two of you work great together, get to actually know each other, get an A on the project and he keeps texting you after the projects done.

Reality: It's a group project and no one is ever excited to work together on those so your crush just takes the initiative and divides the work evenly. The two of you get an A- while speaking for all of five minutes together and don't even acknowledge each other at school.

3. One Night Stands

Expectations: You meet once, make out, hook up whatever it may be and you're suddenly meant to be together. You see each other all the time, sparks are flying like crazy, and you both actually genuinely care about each other, just like that. Reality: You make out, hook up, and are feeling great about it until you actually see the person and all of the awkward feelings come flooding in. This person who you like to the moon and back either doesn't care about you whatsoever or feels just as awkward as you do about the whole situation. Either way eye contact is avoided, and the phrase "BC lookaway" is coined.

4. Friends -> ?

Expectations: You've known this person forever and you know each other so well. You know that if only they give you a chance, you'd be perfect together. You're the perfect couple that is able to get through all your problems by leaning on each other.

Reality: You grow up together, know each other for years, work perfectly fine as acquaintances but are absolutely atrocious as a couple. One of you realizes this while the other grows way too attached and all hell breaks loose in the friend group.

5. The KissExpectations: You're like sleeping beauty and the moment he kisses you for the first time will be magic. You're eyes will be opened to a whole new world and all your problems will melt away. Your foot pops off the ground and the fairytale is complete.

Reality: It's a kiss just like any other, nothing special nor magical. Maybe your lips were chapped, maybe his breath smelled, or maybe he's just a bad kisser who uses too much tongue. You're not left knowing if this is the boy for you, all while your foot is caught in a fisher's net.

6. Crazy Hot

Expectations: You like someone solely for their looks, having no clue what their personality is like. You go out of your way to run into them, have a conversation, and find out everything you can about them because you're really attracted to them. Then it magically turns out that you're both extremely compatible and live happily ever after. Reality: Barney's crazy/hot scale proves true and that really attractive guy turns out to also be a nut. The search for a boyfriend continues.

7. The Risk Expectations: You know crushes never end well. You know you're playing with fire, but you feel like you'll die without the warmth. You find someone who you feel safe with, who you think feels the same way about you, and who will maybe be the one that makes all the other ones worth it.

Reality: You get completely blindsided. After spending all of this time and effort caring for this person, they literally throw you under a moving train (or at least that's how it feels). The relationship (or any hope of there ever being one) ends and you're left not knowing what to do next, nor how to move on.