For me, midterm season during the fall semester is the time where I realize that summer is REALLY over and it is time for me to actually get my A-game back on; but it is also the time where I stress out too much that I literally had a mental breakdown two days before my midterms.
And trust me, it wasn't a pretty picture.
I haven't had a mental breakdown in a while and to be honest, I thought I was going to be completely fine this semester. I knew stress was coming along the way but I never thought much of it and just wanted the midterm to be over.
However, my mindset changed after my first midterm for a class which actually happened 3 weeks into the semester. Which brings me to raise the question, why are all these exams called as midterms when they do not actually happen at the middle of the semester and occur multiple times over the course of one semester?
I thought I did well on this class until I got my grade back and realized I had gotten a C+. In that instant, my confidence level plummetted and I started pressuring myself. Peer pressure really got to me as well, as this girl from my class told me how she was one question away from getting a full score while here I am with my C+.
And so, a couple of days ago I was studying for my midterms which would take place back-to-back on October 25th. It started all alright until I tried doing the practice questions and realized I could do none of those. I started worrying and was just really frantic about the whole issue because someone had told me this advice once, "The pain of studying may be temporary but your GPA lasts a lifetime so do well." This sentence really got to me so I was cramming as much as I could and the more I was confused or lost, the more I would doubt myself and criticize myself until it had reached the point where I could not handle anything any longer and broke down.
The pressure of trying to prove myself that I could be better got to me and those couple of hours I felt completely lost. There was a side of me wondering if I would even have a future, which may sound kind of ridiculous right now but at the moment it was something that I was really considering. Seeing how my parents have sacrificed for me to get to the position I am today, made me doubt my self-worth. At that moment, I felt completely useless.
But then I told myself that I will get through this and that these dark times will be over soon, it is ok not to do well and there will be other chances. Sometimes, the priority shouldn't be your results but it should your mental health, something that is really overlooked in this modern day society.
So to all those people who feel hopeless and clueless, know that you are not alone and that this too shall pass. Nobody is perfect and sometimes we can be an emotional wreck but what matters most is that you get on your own two feet afterward and find a way to love yourself once more. You matter and you got this.
