It's really no surprise that life is full of curveballs. It always seems that the second you seemingly have everything figured out, that life takes a giant dump on you. Often times when that happens we lose some part of us that makes us feel less whole and lost. But personally, I think that the worst piece of advice I've been given in this situation is:

"This is your time to find yourself."

Why do I need to find myself? Where am I supposed to find myself? What does it mean to find myself? How do I know when I have found myself? It just doesn't make sense. Does that mean that I'm being told that my destiny is already made for me but some unseen source? Am I supposed to follow something particular in order to find who I'm supposed to be? Where's this map and what happens if I don't like who I find?

All of these questions led me to rethink the way that life is laid out. Don't get me wrong, I believe in a higher power, and I believe that power does have plans for me. I do believe that power has beautifully and wonderfully made me and for that I am grateful. However, I do not believe in a predetermined destiny. Why do I say that? Well frankly because I've had a lot of really shitty things happen to me over life. Not to complain of course, because I know that life is hard on all of us. But I don't honestly believe that this holy source above would purposely put people through this much crap. Mind you, I've learned over the years that you will never be put through something that you are incapable of getting through.

So over my 21 years of glorious life I have learned that it is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself. The world is full of so many wonderful possibilities that it seems silly to limit yourself. Here are some tips that have helped me to become the strong and independent woman that I've grown into; as "annoying and outspoken" as I am:

1. Leave your miserable job, relationship, or town

There will always be another job, another significant other, and another place to move. If something is toxic in your life and you don't life the person that it is turning you into then it's time to leave. No job that you hate will ever pay you enough, no person that brings out the worst in you will bring you happiness, and no town that drains the life out of you will help you grow.

2. Take care of yourself first

A lot of the time life gets crazy and we worry about things that are so minimal compared to the big picture. It is so necessary to put ourselves first but the sad thing is that when we do that we are instantly called selfish. WELL GUESS WHAT, THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU SELFISH AT ALL, it makes you smart. There is nothing more important than your health cause at the end of the day, it's you against the world.

3. Travel

Now when I say that the first response is, "I can't afford it." And I've used that excuse so often it's saddening. But in the world we live in today traveling doesn't always mean spending a fortune. I've learned that even if you are only going a few hours from home that you are still experiencing something different. With options like AirBNB staying places can be inexpensive and saving up for more extravagant trips is always an option.

4. Make a bucket list and actually DO IT

I always thought that bucket lists were for people that were old and that didn't have much time left (morbid I know, but you can thank the movie.) Then one day I sat down and I wrote some stuff out and I can't tell you how gratifying it is to actually cross something off. Put stuff on there that scare you and force you out of your comfort zone. Make waves in your life because you never know what might make you insanely happy.

5. Never be afraid to follow your dreams

There will be people that tell you your dreams are too big or that they are unrealistic and my advice toward that is to ignore them. Those people usually have desk jobs that they hate and never took the time to follow their dreams. Majoring in sport management has taught me that all to well. "What do you plan to do with that? You know how hard it is to get a job in that field?" Yes I do actually but I'll be sending my very promising and detailed resume to every major league sports team in the United States with plans of picking up and moving. And it's important to remember that if your dreams don't scare you a little bit then they aren't big enough.

6. Never rely on someone else

It's really sad but people in this world are only out of personal gain. And while it might be difficult to accept sometimes you have to do that too. I can't tell you how difficult it can be to be an independent woman in this world. My parents raised me to know how you are supposed to be treated by a man and how to survived and THRIVE without one. While that can be intimidating to misogynistic men that's simply how you weed out the ones that are stuck in the 50's and the ones that will treat you like an equal.

Just keep in mind that every day is the beginning of a new chapter and that everyday is a chance to write your story. Make sure that it is worth reading you'll have no regrets.