Every year when February rolls around different attitudes about Valentine's Day start to pop up. Social media becomes flooded with people either totally loved up, or people that wants Valentine's Day to die in a circle of hellfire. With Valentine's Day there always seems to be a competition to show how much you really don't care, like at all, ugh it's stupid, no one cares that Derek got you chocolate roses, CHRISTY!

See what I mean? For all of you single gals/guys/people out there, I have a foolproof solution. Pull a Jan Brady and create a George Glass, but be smarter than Jan (after all, she was a middle child) and actually have a physical guy! "How am I going to a guy this last minute?", you ask. Well, I have the answers!

1. Hot Bod

All pieces of man candy need a hot bod, and I'm talking like Channing Tatumn, or Steve Buscemi hot. Need a man stat? Go to your local mall and grab the best looking mannequin you can find. How do you know he's the one? He has the most vacant, dead-inside stare in the world. This is great because it's so honest. You'll already know he doesn't care about how Lindsey from work didn't clean up her lunch in the kitchen, because he has that dead stare! He will never lie to you, or feign interest! He's even more exotic and hot if it's a headless mannequin! Everyone at your book club will be so jealous you snagged a Mr. Darcy-esque hottie.

2. Cool Threads

Every suave, debonair man needs an AMAZING wardrobe. Take inspirations from legendary hotties like Urkel, Screech, Carlton, Tommy Pickles, and Professor Snape. All of these fashion icons will provide your man with the wardrobe inspiration he needs. Here are some other suggestions:

1. Ed Hardy t-shirts

2. Jeans from Jon Gosselin's "I Have Bills Now" line available at Big Lots

3. Cutoffs (think Tobias from Arrested Development)

4. Anything from Hot Topic

5. Heelies

6. Wallet chains

3. Exotic and Interesting Backstory

Every viable man has a cool backstory. What has your man done? Gone exploring in the Amazon? Built orphanages in the Congo? Or, even better, one time he actually paused his video game when his ex asked him too! All faux beaux need to have a cool backstory to make them authentic. Maybe he has some unsavory business partners, or he doesn't think The Notebook is total garbage. Groundbreaking!

4. Sexy Name

What's in a name? Names are likes the eyes of words, they say something without needing to. Confused? Good. Give your Special Guy a name that no one will ever forget. Pierre, Jean Claude, and Paolo are all exotic European options. But, you need to be DIFFERENT. A name makes a statement! Try names like #NotMyPresident, Midichlorian, Cash Me Outside, or Dale. This George Glass has an ass.... and a name! Before you know it, everyone will be talking about what a beautiful couple you and Windex make.

This Valentine's Day give into the artificial air that surrounds the holiday. After all, it was created by card and candy companies as a marketing ploy, so be as fake and indulgent as possible! And just because I used a man in this article, building a fake significant other applies to all genders, so go wild! Seriously, no one will be to tell you're dating a mannequin.