Am I crazy? Maybe.
Do I regret what I did? Maybe a little.
Would I change it if I had a chance? Never.
Hello, my name is Savannah and I am a jealous girlfriend. I've been in a relationship for the past 3 years. Jealousy was something that never went away, and now I ended up doing something completely crazy! My boyfriend, Travis, went to work a retreat that I was not, of course there was jealousy connected with this.
As for the reason I was jealous.. well, my father left me at a young age, young enough I don't remember anything about him, but old enough to remember the pain he cast upon me and my family. I suppose it was good he had left, momma always said he was abusive. My father did come back on my little brother's 16th birthday, he was the only son my parents had. I was 18 and a senior and going to the same college as Travis in a few short months. My oldest sister was 23 and was getting married to a good guy. Then there was my baby sister, Charlie, she was only 10. My mother had married a new guy by now, much better I liked him a lot. They would've been married about 10 years in a week!... would've.
When my father came back on my brother's 16th birthday, he broke into the house the night before, of course all you had to do was push in the back window, the dumb thing never got it fixed. Momma and her new husband were the first ones to discover he had slept on the couch. Of course, this started a fight and Thomas, my poor younger brother, went downstairs. He confronted dad and told him to leave mom alone. Telling you now, it feels like a blurr and I honestly don't remember what happened. All I know is when I came downstairs, Thomas was punching and screaming at our biological father, my step-dad holding him back, crying. Mother was laying on the floor, white, still, and lifeless. It didn't take me long to know what had happened.
I went to my room to call the police, as I turned I saw my little sister, "mommy!" she called out. Crap, the attention was on us now. I told Charlie to go back to her room and everything would be okay! I knew I was lying, but what are you supposed to tell a 10 year old kid? "A guy you've never meant and know nothing about because we never told you anything about him just killed your mother!" It just sounds so relaxing...
About 2 weeks later we had Momma's funeral, same day as my father's court date, life sentence for first-degree murder.
My jealousy came from a lack of trust of men in my life, my father left me, my mom's husband never tried to connect with me, and Travis, well, he never did anything wrong, but I never fully trusted him after my brother's 16th birthday.
The retreat Travis was working was through his church, he had such a great faith in God, I on the other hand, did not. I knew Travis would catch at least one girl's attention, if not several. He was cute, humble, athletic, and just about every girl's dream, so why he was with me, I couldn't tell you. The best thing I could offer him was my blonde hair, apart from that I was super pale, I came from a broken family, and my "circle" was very small.
The day Travis came back from his retreat I was so happy! I could talk to my best friend again! However, he told me something happened at this retreat that I wouldn't like. A girl he meant at this retreat, Emma, had taken a liking to him. She confided in him, and me being the jealous girlfriend I am, didn't like this, not one bit..
That was MY boyfriend. After he got back, I was right there with Travis, I read the conversation between him and Emma. They added each other on snapchat and Traivs mentioned how he was in a 3 year relationship with me. I knew she knew, but it wasn't enough. I had to go home, because for some reason I still had a curfew at 18 years of age! Travis and Emma's conversation continued, and so did the jealousy inside me, something told me this was different from the other times.. this was real.
Emma sent Travis a photo, and this photo her cleavage showed, but she covered it up. Travis thanked her for doing this, like I said, he had a strong faith and didn't want to lust after a women's body. Emma told him no one had ever said that before. Then she sent another snapchat saying "that must be one special girl you got". Travis response was "yea, she is". It still wasn't enough, jealousy was still eating me alive.
The summer came and went, college started, and Emma was going to the same college as Travis and I. With Emma and Travis having the same major, they look lots of their classes together and often had "study groups", but I always knew it was just those two. I expressed my concern to Travis almost daily and his response was "Rose, (his nickname for me) you have nothing to worry about, I've been yours for 5 years and I'm not going anywhere, I am in love with you, you are the girl I want to marry, and someday soon, that will happen." It made me feel better for a while, but then he's run off with another girl that I knew, but never trusted.
In my eyes, Emma's and Travis's relationship always had a flirty side to it, I never said anything about this to anyone, what did I know? I was just the jealous, non-trusting girlfriend, I'm sure it wasn't real. My feelings were probably just mistaken.
Another "study group" came and went, I hated it, all this jealousy inside of me, eating me. I knew I couldn't continue to live like this, so I went to the college library and I watched their study group from an upper level. I saw a ring on the table and was wondering what it was for, I couldn't quite hear it but I knew Emma asked the same question. Travis then asked her for a favor is all I could make out, it got too loud so eavesdropping didn't work anymore.
I saw him get down on one knee, present the ring, and a banner saying "will you marry me?" He proposed to Emma.. after he told me I had nothing to worry about.. That was it. I went back to my dorm room, knowing Travis would come and visit me after their "study group" was done.
I heard a knock and knew it was the boy I loved, engaged to another women. However, the one thing I learned from the man who killed my mother, was to be strong and act like nothing is wrong. I opened the door and gave him a kiss, like I normally do, acting like I knew nothing. He asked him if we could go for a walk, this was unusual. This was it, he was going to break up with me! I refused to give him the chance! What made matters worse was it was our anniversary, six years of dating.
I went with him, and we met up with Emma,but of course, she didn't have the ring on. At this point, nothing became more important than Emma, she was the bitch who took the only thing that was truly mine away from me.
However, all this started with my dad, and I wanted nothing more than to yell at him. My dad left, taking away a strong leader. My dad took my mom. My step-dad then moved away to another state with my brother and younger sister after my mother's death. He took my family away after I thought he was a good person, but I was wrong. And finally my older sister, that "good guy" she married? He turned out to be abusive. However, he was clever and when my sister went to the police, everyone thought that she was crazy! Now she's locked up in a looney bin! Everything I loved, was gone, I refused to lose Travis too.
If I was the girl he wanted to marry, I'd ensure that would happen. Emma and I then went to the bathroom together. Being a girl this wasn't unusual. We went into a bathroom which had a single stall and a broken sink, not the best, but it was the closest. Emma went to the bathroom after I did.
I knew if I was going to do this I would have to do it now. So while Emma was in the stall, I look the facet out of the sink. I knew I just had to unscrew it, and with a screwdriver there for maintenance, this was easy.
I had the weapon in my hand, standing by the stall door of a crappy college bathroom, waiting for her to come out. My thought right before this was
"do you really want to do this?"
followed by everyone I loved, now taken from me..
"absolutely".
Emma came out and I whacked her in the face with that metal from the facet of a crappy college bathroom, I kept going and going and going. She was probably dead by the third blow, but I kept going, 10, 15, 28, 35... ending with a total of 36 blows.
I came out of the bathroom and there is was, that stupid banner that Travis had used earlier. "Will you marry me?" and there was the same ring. Turns out he was just practicing proposing to Emma to propose to me, oops.
Am I crazy? Maybe.
Do I regret what I did? Maybe a little.
Would I change it if I had a chance? Never.
