So a little over a week ago my lady and I went out for some Thai food and we decided we wanted to try something new before the entree. So we ordered Crab Rangoons.

They look and sound pretty appetizing, but what I got what absolutely, completely and utterly disgusting. Cream cheese, scallions and garlic come in Crab Rangoons. I'm pretty sure I bit into just pure mustard-yellow cream cheese. I was so beyond disgusted and disappointed.

Now the rest of our meal was fantastic. It's one of our favorite places, but I learned a valuable lesson that day. God created the heavens and the earth. Satan created Crab Rangoons.

Below are some of the saddest excuses for food I can think of.

1. Cole Slaw

Look, I don't know who Cole is, but his slaw is one slimy condiment orgy. Mayonnaise, sour cream, onion, sugar, vinegar, mustard and celery salt all go into cole slaw. Most of those things individually are actually alright. But two good things don't always make a great thing.

2. Red Vines

I know what you're thinking, hey those look like Twizzlers. You're right, but that is what they aren't and that is the problem. Red Vines taste like someone tried to make Twizzlers out of Play-Doh, but hey they're fat-free so go nuts!

3. Cinnamon Disc

They don't taste all that bad, but I definitely choked on one in third grade... so they're from the devil.

4. Easy Mac

College kid staple food. It looks and taste like paint on reheated soggy noodles though. Just nah dog.....nah.

5. Munchos

Now two of my best friends love these things. (Sorry Sam and Robert,) But after trying them three times now, I just can't bring myself to like them. Munchos simply taste like pieces of foam. It's just no way that my body is actually breaking that down.

6. Pickles

I'll be simple and to the point on this. It's pretty self explanatory.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

They are slimy, slippery, oddly sexual pieces of no. Offer me a Pickle and I'll just be like...

Just gross pieces of no.

7. Cream Corn

Have you ever just been like, "Wow this corn is really, really good. You know what would make it better though? Is if someone ate corn, chewed it up and threw it back up into a bowl." Yeah, That cream corn in a nutshell ya nasties!

8. Mary Jane

Look, I don't know why all the kids now-a-days are obsessed with this Mary-Jane stuff. I don't get it. It's peanut butter-molasses flavored candy. Looks about how it taste. Poopy.

9. Overly Positive Potato

One, it just doesn't taste right when it's not in french fry form. Two, it just looks at me the wrong way.

10. Cow Tongue

Yes, this is a real food and yes it is widely available. If you've ever wanted to french kiss a cow, it's basically what you're doing.

Well that's my list of foods from The Devil (for now). I may come back and do another list sometime, because if there is one thing I've learned in life it's that things can ALWAYS get worse! Stay away from gross foods, but if you find yourself eating something truly disgusting, have a friend try it! Suffering is always better with a friend!