Coming from the perspective of a member of Generation Z, the concept of going on dates, rather of the platonic or romantic variety, is practically foreign to young adults aged from 18 to 23.
The act of going out with someone for the sake of getting to know them better and to find out what you like about the person and possibly even have in common with them has been abandoned in favor of a more modern model of courtship. The new norm for initiating relationships has become a game of sub-tweets and strategically timed likes on Instagram photos as a precursor to a handful of under-planned hangouts that eventually lead to two parties putting the date of said hangout in their social media bios with a lock and heart next to it. The practice of taking part in different activities with someone you are attracted to and care to know more about needs to be reintroduced, because it gives people the opportunity to learn more about themselves and the other person before blindly committing to one another based on more than surface level similarities and attraction.
Based on what I've seen throughout high school, "talking", "dating", and being considered "together" are all used interchangeably as a way of saying that two people are in an exclusive relationship. Ironically enough, all of these phrases seldom meant that two people were actually going out in a non-committed way, to determine if they would work in that sort of relationship. Most of the couples I knew in high school established their relationships on flickers of attraction sparked by side conversations they'd shared in pre-calc, or through a connection made via social media. The social culture that has shaped my understanding of the concept has asserted that dating is synonymous with exclusivity, and does not require extensive effort outside of flirting to capture someone's attention and making half-hearted efforts to maintain it.
While I'm certainly no leading authority on the topics of love or successful romantic relationships—although I would argue that what I've learned from all of the Hallmark movies I've seen are valid credentials—I can attest to the value that casual dating contributes to helping you to understand what you want in a partner as well as attributes that you need to develop yourself. Within the last month, I've had the opportunity to go on a few dates with guys that I've only known as friendly acquaintances. None of them were remarkable because of an extravagant invitation or an elaborate activity for us to go on, but they were special in the fact of knowing that someone has an interest in knowing more about you. The vital element of excitement over making a new connection, whether it be romantic or platonic, generates genuine interest and is essential to creating one that is real. The dates themselves were great, they were opportunities to talk about things deeper than classes without the distractions of the setting where we normally see each other, and we were able to establish a relationship deeper than one of vague familiarity.
Going on actual dates also promotes concise communication that is essential to healthy relationships. Before going out on any of the previous dates, there were conversations in which it was made clear on both parts that the intent was just to have an outing to get know one another. Having this kind of discussion before or even during a date eliminates that space of ambiguity known to our generation as "talking," where people often feel unsure of where they stand with another person, or in some cases, even feel obligated to refrain from attention from the opposite sex out of fear of misstepping with the person they're "talking" to.
To many, dating seems like a dated concept with no merit for young adults of this day and age. Courtship is too time-consuming to be wasted on someone that you hardly know or may not even return your interest. However, it should be noted that in condensing and even completely eliminating the period of pursuit in a relationship, we lose out on the aspects which enable human connections to flourish. In cutting out the anticipation of a first date, the nervousness, and excitement at having a second, and the wonder at each new facet of a personality being revealed the more time you spend together, we allow our romantic pursuits and relationships to be built on things more attainable and superficial that are inevitably temporary.
Finding someone that will help you check off all of those "relationship goals" you see on your twitter feed requires deeper inspection than simply memorizing their Tinder profile and trying to build a foundation over your shared love of Corgis. Genuine interest in another person is necessary for healthy, lasting relationships, and is built on the foundation of going on dates.
