Whether you use Tinder for laughs, self-validation, or to try and find a meaningful connection, you've probably gotten some weird and creepy pick-up lines more than a few times.
Cosmopolitan magazine decided to help women everywhere out with this foolproof guide. So, as a Tinder skeptic myself, I decided to put it to the test (don't worry, pictures have been removed to protect the innocent). The article discourages boring typical questions that suggest that you have "no personality" as well as "cheesy" puns.
Here are a few examples of what not to do when starting a conversation (according to Cosmo), as well as a great way for me to humbly brag about my pun skills. Please enjoy.
I'm not sure if he actually got the pun, but, then again, he's probably Sean better.
I will Grant you the chance to rethink that "Star Wars" reference.
I lost all Reese-spect for you after you said "T Swizzle."
"Photobomb" (Part 1)
This opener encourages you to use the lucky guy's photos to your advantage. According to Cosmo, you should ask him about his vacation to the Great Wall of China or if the dog in his picture actually helps him pull more. Unfortunately, my matches weren't as well traveled as Cosmo thought that they might be, so I didn't have too much to work with.
"It wasn't life changing."
I'm sensing a little hostility here, John.
Yes, the conversation is flowing really naturally now.
"Photobomb" (Part 2)
Cosmo also suggests an exact line to use on a guy if you're feeling a little extra flirty borderline weird. "Cringe-y" is the only word that I can use to describe this close encounter of the dating app kind.
What a fun and flirty convo! Thanks, Cosmo!
"Mind Games"
We all know that guys love it when girls are vague and indecisive, which is the direction that I thought that this opener was going in. However, no, that would apparently be "too normal." Instead, Cosmo encourages you to "start off with a riddle to catch his attention." What is this, "National Treasure?" I used the riddle that the article used as an example and asked for one back, as suggested.
This one really took a sudden turn for the NSFW.
That's very bold of you, Lee.
"That's Interesting"
Tinder tells you if you have "shared interests" with your potential matches, which come from the pages that you "like" on Facebook. This is totally a great idea, until you get someone like me who made their Facebook in 6th Grade and "liked" pages such as Juicy Couture, Aeropostale, Zumba Fitness, Taylor Lautner, a page called "Asking your friend 'would you be my friend if I looked like this?'" and my personal favorite, "Dear SNL, Please Let Buddy the Elf Host the 2010 SNL Christmas Special." Cosmo tells you to find someone with a mutual interest or two and bring it up in your opening conversation.
Wow, now I can hopefully find the Zumba-doing, velour tracksuit-loving, Christmas enthusiast of my dreams.
Don't worry, Mom. I've got a 4.0 in Tinder.
Did I just find my soul mate?!
"Lookey Likey"
Cosmo encourages you to make a celebrity comparison to your new friend to get the conversation flowing, saying that he will either be "complimented, say he's heard it before, or be utterly insulted" and most likely give you a comparison in return. Because I'm a terrible human being creative, I decided to compare my matches to people who looked absolutely nothing like them.
Please tell me that I didn't just permanently wreck this kid's sense of self-esteem.
Wait, did that actually just work?
