The whole concept of gender identity is obviously much more complicated than what we, as a society, are fed from birth, and the reason that traditional gender roles are so prominent and ingrained in society as they are, is because people are afraid of change and continue to perpetuate the gender binary no matter what. There are always going to be people who don’t want to stray from old ways, even if they are wrong. This is how you get racism and homophobia and classism and sexism and discrimination of all kinds. Gender is a powerful schema that has its teeth sunk into the cognitive world. And this speaks to most things that become or have always been out of the societal norm. When people see a woman who hasn’t shaved her body hair or a man who is wearing feminine clothing or has their nails painted, the battle is not so much for themselves because they are obviously comfortable breaking traditional gender roles, but for society that’s surrounding them; the society that will undoubtedly throw disapproving looks their way because of how they’ve been conditioned to view gender. I think it is possible to bring up a child never acknowledging gender. However, the world in which they will grow up in will always be talking about gender because of the powerful conditioning and I think that they will always be questioned about it, whether it be from peers or teachers or whomever, regardless of if at home with their parents, there is no gender binary enforced.

Children grow up hearing either “Act lady like!”; “You swing like a girl.”; “Boys will be boys.”; “Grow a pair.”; “If a boy is being mean to you it means he likes you.” And in addition to these gendered phrases that so obviously enforce gender roles, there are phrases that society doesn’t even really noticed are rooted in traditional gender roles like when a teacher addresses their class as “Boys and girls” or “Ladies and gentlemen”, or when people refer to tampons or pads as “Lady products”. This kind of language easily becomes extremely oppressive to children who don’t even think about gender until those around them make it a thing; especially if a child has already had thoughts about not fitting in with the gender role that society has given them. This kind of oppressive language becomes even more harmful than it already was in the first place and sets a child up for feeling out of place or wrong about the way they identify for the rest of their life, and this will continue for the rest of their life, because until they (if they even do) decide to fight against the gender role that society has placed on them, they will be constantly gendered by everyone around them.

So, what can we do to fight back against traditional gender roles? Realize and always remember that our everyday words and actions feed the larger beast. We are not powerless in the sheer fact that we all have voices that are capable of keeping this conversation going. Educating someone on, not only how to stop using gender roles to oppress, but what they actually are and what it means to unknowingly perpetuate the society in which they thrive is such an important thing and just something like that is an important part of this ongoing fight.