Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Entertainment

31 Candy-Corny Halloween Jokes

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

Haley Walker

Oct 25, 2018

Texas A&M University

1362

Instagram

Hi guys it's Haley again, giving you your weekly dose of my words! This week I am tired (scary tired, so it's festive)!!! School is kicking my booty repeatedly and without ceasing, I haven't been sleeping much, and I physically cannot consume enough coffee, with scream and sugar of course (see joke 28 for details)!!! I do not have a well thought out prose piece, political rant, or words of wisdom to give you all (sigh).

But let's not dwell on that, let's get excited for Halloween! It's days away and I am pumped for a spooky night!! Catch me doing the monster mash all day long!

This week's article is literally just 31 Halloween jokes in hopes of getting a haunting cackle out of all of us. I may or may not have giggled out loud a few times while composing this article, I'll leave that piece of information up for debate.

Without further ado, here lay 31 scary good jokes!

media.giphy.com

1. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A human bean!

2. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? You suck!

3. Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!

4. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with!

media.giphy.com

5. Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line!

6. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat? Because of the coffin!

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

8. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a!

media.giphy.com

9. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newly webbed!

10. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? The Vampire State Building!

11. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettuccine Afraid-o!

12. What do witches use in their hair? Scare-spray!

13. What instrument do skeletons play? The Trom-bone!

14. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? I-scream!

15. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates!

media.giphy.com

16. Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank!

17. Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula? He’s a real pain in the neck!

18. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the carnival? The roller ghoster!

19. What kind of clothes do the cool zombies wear? Decay NY!

20. What is a vampire’s least favorite song? “You Are My Sunshine”

21. What subject do they teach in witch school? Spelling!

media.giphy.com

22. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries!

23. Why did the traveling witch throw up? She was broom sick!

24. Where do ghosts buy their milk and eggs? At the ghost-ery store!

25. Where do villains go to send their mail? The ghost office!

26. Why did the vampire like baseball? Every night he got to turn into a bat!

media.giphy.com

27. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horror-scope!

28. How do ghosts like their coffee? Dark with extra scream!

29. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi (3.1428571428571428571428571428571)!

30. Why can’t you see a ghost’s mom and dad? Because they’re transparents!

31. How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!

media.giphy.com

Trick or treat! Merry Spookmas! Happy Halloween!

Joke creds go to these awesome websites!

Report this Content

This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

New Brunswick, NJ

442212

Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts

StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

Thank you for all that you do for me
Thank you for working through disagreements with me
Thank you for always supporting me
I appreciate you more than words can express
You have helped me grow and become a better person
I can't wait to see where life takes us next
I promise to cherish every moment with you
Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less

love story

Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

Rider University

15671

Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

hauppague

Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

Millennials of Michigan

41082

Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos

StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less

moana

Student Life

7 Types Of Students You Will Meet In College

You wish you could be #5, but you know you're probably a #6.

University of Southern California

20961

cool group of lazy college students in class

StableDiffusion

There are thousands of universities around the world, and each school boasts its own traditions and slogans. Some schools pride themselves on sports, while others emphasize their research facilities. While there is a myriad of differences among each and every school, there will always these seven types of students in class.

Keep Reading...Show less

college students

Featured

15 Rhyme Without Reason Greek Life Function Ideas

When you have no ideas for what to wear to this date function

Appalachian State University National Writers Society

321351

Healthy Pets

I am going to a rhyme without reason date function and I have looked at so many different rhyming words and I figured there need to be a new list of words. At these functions, there are usually at least two rockers and boxers and an umpteenth amount of dogs and frogs. I have come up with a list of creative and unique ideas for these functions.

If you like what you see, get a shopping cart going with these costumes.

Keep Reading...Show less

Recommended for you

31 Candy-Corny Halloween Jokes

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

1. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A human bean!

2. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? You suck!

3. Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!

4. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with!

5. Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line!

6. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat? Because of the coffin!

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

8. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a!

9. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newly webbed!

10. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? The Vampire State Building!

11. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettuccine Afraid-o!

12. What do witches use in their hair? Scare-spray!

13. What instrument do skeletons play? The Trom-bone!

14. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? I-scream!

15. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates!

16. Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank!

17. Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula? He’s a real pain in the neck!

18. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the carnival? The roller ghoster!

19. What kind of clothes do the cool zombies wear? Decay NY!

20. What is a vampire’s least favorite song? “You Are My Sunshine”

21. What subject do they teach in witch school? Spelling!

22. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries!

23. Why did the traveling witch throw up? She was broom sick!

24. Where do ghosts buy their milk and eggs? At the ghost-ery store!

25. Where do villains go to send their mail? The ghost office!

26. Why did the vampire like baseball? Every night he got to turn into a bat!

27. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horror-scope!

28. How do ghosts like their coffee? Dark with extra scream!

29. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi (3.1428571428571428571428571428571)!

30. Why can’t you see a ghost’s mom and dad? Because they’re transparents!

31. How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!

Subscribe to our Newsletter

I don't think I say it enough...

Because no one ever really leaves.

Hauppauge High School

Palace or Paradise?

Smith Haven, only!

That 20-minute drive

Restaurant Row

The Rinx

We are that town

The Industrial Park

High School Teachers

Hot Bagels

The Hill

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

2. Listen to your heart and follow it wherever it may take you.

3. Face your fears.

4. If life knocks you down try again and again until you can stand tall.

5. The ones we love never leave us, their lessons last forever.

6. When you make a mistake, fix it.

7. Never be afraid of being different.

8. All we all really want is to be loved.

9. You are stronger than you think.

10. Kindness is what brings the world to life.

You wish you could be #5, but you know you're probably a #6.

1. The one who sits in the front row

2. The one who is always online shopping

3. The one who always falls asleep

4. The one who never pays attention

5. The one who never studies (but still aces the class)

6. The one who is always stressed

7. The one you've never seen before

When you have no ideas for what to wear to this date function

1. Dime and a Mime

2. Ramp and a Lamp

3. Hooters and Shooters

4. Sherlock and Woodstock

5. Spaghetti and a Yeti

6. Whale and snail

7. Ladder and Bladder

8. Rake and Snake

9. Jam and Ham

10. Pig and a Twig

11. Banana and Nana

12. Dairy and Fairy

Subscribe to our
Newsletter