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31 Candy-Corny Halloween Jokes

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

Haley Walker

Oct 25, 2018

Texas A&M University

1369

Instagram

Hi guys it's Haley again, giving you your weekly dose of my words! This week I am tired (scary tired, so it's festive)!!! School is kicking my booty repeatedly and without ceasing, I haven't been sleeping much, and I physically cannot consume enough coffee, with scream and sugar of course (see joke 28 for details)!!! I do not have a well thought out prose piece, political rant, or words of wisdom to give you all (sigh).

But let's not dwell on that, let's get excited for Halloween! It's days away and I am pumped for a spooky night!! Catch me doing the monster mash all day long!

This week's article is literally just 31 Halloween jokes in hopes of getting a haunting cackle out of all of us. I may or may not have giggled out loud a few times while composing this article, I'll leave that piece of information up for debate.

Without further ado, here lay 31 scary good jokes!

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1. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A human bean!

2. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? You suck!

3. Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!

4. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with!

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5. Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line!

6. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat? Because of the coffin!

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

8. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a!

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9. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newly webbed!

10. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? The Vampire State Building!

11. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettuccine Afraid-o!

12. What do witches use in their hair? Scare-spray!

13. What instrument do skeletons play? The Trom-bone!

14. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? I-scream!

15. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates!

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16. Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank!

17. Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula? He’s a real pain in the neck!

18. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the carnival? The roller ghoster!

19. What kind of clothes do the cool zombies wear? Decay NY!

20. What is a vampire’s least favorite song? “You Are My Sunshine”

21. What subject do they teach in witch school? Spelling!

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22. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries!

23. Why did the traveling witch throw up? She was broom sick!

24. Where do ghosts buy their milk and eggs? At the ghost-ery store!

25. Where do villains go to send their mail? The ghost office!

26. Why did the vampire like baseball? Every night he got to turn into a bat!

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27. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horror-scope!

28. How do ghosts like their coffee? Dark with extra scream!

29. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi (3.1428571428571428571428571428571)!

30. Why can’t you see a ghost’s mom and dad? Because they’re transparents!

31. How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!

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Trick or treat! Merry Spookmas! Happy Halloween!

Joke creds go to these awesome websites!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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31 Candy-Corny Halloween Jokes

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

1. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A human bean!

2. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? You suck!

3. Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos!

4. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with!

5. Where did the goblin throw the football? Over the ghoul line!

6. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat? Because of the coffin!

7. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty!

8. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Mas-scare-a!

9. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newly webbed!

10. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? The Vampire State Building!

11. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettuccine Afraid-o!

12. What do witches use in their hair? Scare-spray!

13. What instrument do skeletons play? The Trom-bone!

14. What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? I-scream!

15. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates!

16. Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank!

17. Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula? He’s a real pain in the neck!

18. What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the carnival? The roller ghoster!

19. What kind of clothes do the cool zombies wear? Decay NY!

20. What is a vampire’s least favorite song? “You Are My Sunshine”

21. What subject do they teach in witch school? Spelling!

22. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries!

23. Why did the traveling witch throw up? She was broom sick!

24. Where do ghosts buy their milk and eggs? At the ghost-ery store!

25. Where do villains go to send their mail? The ghost office!

26. Why did the vampire like baseball? Every night he got to turn into a bat!

27. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horror-scope!

28. How do ghosts like their coffee? Dark with extra scream!

29. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi (3.1428571428571428571428571428571)!

30. Why can’t you see a ghost’s mom and dad? Because they’re transparents!

31. How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!

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1. "What do I have to study for?"

2. "What class do I need to study for the most?"

3. "I’m going to ace this."

4. "Focus!"

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6. "I should call my smart friend about this."

7. "I’m going to fail. I’m going to fail."

8. "I’m dropping out of school."

9. "What grade do I have to get on the final to pass the class?"

10. "Oh, no, I have to do good."

11. "I shouldn’t have procrastinated all semester."

12. "I wanna go to bed."

13. "We did not learn this!"

14. "I should go get food."

15. "Why do we even have finals?"

16. "I don’t want to be at the library."

17. "Get off your phone."

18. "I can watch Netflix for like 20 minutes and then go back to studying."

19. "I shouldn’t have watched Netflix."

20. "You have to study now!"

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

Remember you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine. — Snow White

The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it. — Rafiki

You don't have time to be timid. You must be bold and daring. — Lumière

If watching is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya. — Laverne

Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one. — Grandmother Willow

Always let your conscience be your guide. — Jiminy Cricket

To infinity and beyond. — Buzz Lightyear

Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved. — Pooh

Let it go. — Elsa

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. — Thumper

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories. — Genie

It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. But also a time of stressing over the perfect gift.

Money

Socks

Blankets

Gift Cards

Hoodies and Sweatpants

Pajamas

Candles

A Fish

CDs

Movie Tickets

Candy

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Hairbands, Clips, and Bobby-pins