1. Try to spend some time away from other people’s family units.
It can be really nice to join in with other people’s festivities, but it can also be painful to spend multiple consecutive days around your friends/relatives and their parents. Sometimes planning to spend a day or two with just friends can help return you to a more comfortable element.
2. There’s always a tangible absence.
Whatever holiday traditions (or even familiarities) you had before often can’t be replicated once a parent has passed. It can help to focus on creating new, positive traditions that you hope will last for years to come, and to use that to distract yourself from memories. Sometimes making plans in advance helps to mitigate the uncertainty that comes with losing your normal traditions.
3. You’re always allowed to change your mind.
I’ve definitely had days where I’d planned to celebrate a holiday and decided that morning I no longer wanted to. The people who care about you want to make the holidays as enjoyable as possible for you; they’ll probably assume that doing so means including you in their plans, but they will understand if you don’t want to participate or if you need time to yourself. You’re not obligated to leave your house or see anyone if you don’t feel up to it.
4. If you’re ready, revisit some memories.
Everyone processes grief differently, but if you’re at a point where the loss of your parent is more nostalgic than painful, sometimes it can be nice to set time aside to look at old photos, home movies, or just to talk about your parent with someone who knew them.
5. Make a meaningful tradition.
A nice way to incorporate a parent into the holidays is to initiate a new tradition that somehow involves them. As mentioned above, it could be something like watching a home movie that day, or visiting a grave or meaningful site. Integrating this into your celebration of the holidays can also help create some consistency and define your “new normal.”
6. Be honest with your loved ones.
If conversations about your parent makes you emotional at the dinner table, etc., let your family and friends know. They don’t want you to be uncomfortable and communication is key to making future holidays as enjoyable as possible.
At the end of the day, the people who care about you want the holidays to be as non-painful as they can be. It's important for you to put yourself and your feelings first, and to not push yourself into anything for which you aren't ready. Respect your own emotions and, whenever you can, make them known to others so they can help you navigate.
