I have always been an introvert. My mom says that I used to cling to her as a child whenever we went to a social gathering. When I first started school, I was the child who cried the entire day because I could not wait to get back to the things that I was familiar with, such as the large play room downstairs that my three brothers and I shared together. It was not until I was in middle school that I noticed something different about my shyness.

When I had to present in front of my classmates, the feeling of nervousness came with nausea and neck twitching. The thought of having all eyes on me became a daunting ordeal. I kept asking myself: What are they going to say about me? What if something goes horribly wrong? What if I say the wrong thing? Can they tell I am nervous?... I was afraid of being judged by my peers. This terrified feeling never went away. Every time I have to present or go up in front of people, my heart feels like it is going to drop into my stomach and my neck twitches when I am really nervous. Besides presentations, meeting new people and going to large social gatherings terrify me. Honestly, my level of nervousness determines whether or not I’ll go anywhere. A trip to Costco on the Saturday after payday? You can forget it. However, once I get to know people and become closer to them, I am not introverted since I feel comfortable with the social interaction. In fact, I am my fun-loving, smiley self. Sometimes, I meet people who are so easy to open to that it’s like I don’t have social anxiety.

I did not realize I had social anxiety until recently when I started doing more research. The textbook definition of social anxiety or social phobia is a condition of a person with overwhelming anxiety and self-consciousness in social situations. But it is a lot more complex than that. People with social anxiety are afraid of being judged or criticized by others. They do not take negative comments lightly, meaning, they take them very personally and internalize them. People with social anxiety are also fearful of new social interactions, fearful of offending others, over-analyze social situations they took part in, and much more. The symptoms vary depending on the person. After researching more about this disorder, I finally understand myself and know why I feel the way I do whenever I am in certain social situations.

Despite this, I have come very far from where I was in middle school. Even though I still get extremely nervous when presenting or meeting new people, I am more comfortable with myself. Honestly, working in customer service and for an elected official has helped with my anxiety, but it has not dissipated it. I will sometimes put myself in social situations (i.e. networking) in order to try to overcome my anxiety. I am not as introverted as I used to be because of this. And I am even embarking on the incredible journey of becoming a teacher, which is something I never thought I would do. Even though my anxiety and fear may never go away, having the support of my family and friends helps get me through life. If you know anyone with anxiety or any other mental health condition, please be a support system. That, rather than simply medication, will have a great impact on how they cope with their condition.