Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and the holidays can be a big stress for even the most neurotypical of folks. I constantly dread the temperature drop, due to the impending doom of all of the emotional burdens and trauma I have associated with winter holidays. The most important part of the holidays is not any message you'll see in a Hallmark movie; it is to keep yourself safe and grounded. In my own pursuit of better self-care, here are some techniques to explore coping with Thanksgiving and the holidays beyond.
1. Tell yourself it's okay to not be okay.
This is something I struggle with, generally. If the holidays are a time of trauma for you, it is perfectly expected to struggle even the tiniest bit. The worst thing you can do at a time like this is start to blame yourself for reactions that may be out of your control. It's so easy to beat ourselves up and so hard to hold ourselves up when we feel our mental health slipping. I challenge you to take the time to be a mess.
2. See the people you WANT to see.
The biggest perk of the holidays is that all of the humans I love so much get to come home. For every right-wing/transphobic/racist family member that I don't want to see, I know that there is a friend traveling home from the coast ready with a hug, affirmation, and mojito. Make time for the people who love you and make things feel safer, even just for a moment.
3. Eat that good stuff(ing)!
If I'm going to have to suffer through holiday dinner time, you bet the food is worth it. Sadly holiday food is kind of a one-a-year-and-that's-it kind of thing. So take advantage of all the foods you won't get otherwise. If you've been waiting all year for grandma's butterscotch pie, down that!
4. Make a cope ahead plan.
If you know that a certain situation might be stressful or triggering for you, make a cope ahead plan! Identify what your triggers are and what techniques you plan to use if they come up. For example, if I know that seeing a partner's family is going to be tense, I might have a playlist on youtube of cute animal videos already cued up to watch when I get overwhelmed.
5. Know that it's okay to say "no."
If you can't do something, know that you have every right to lay boundaries. While boundary setting can be difficult and stress-inducing, having your boundaries crossed will only be more harmful in the long run. Whether it is for your mental, emotional, or physical health; it is always okay to say "no."
6. Give yourself time limits.
The best thing I have ever done for myself was set a time limit on interacting with people I didn't want to. Assess whom you will be around and be honest with how much energy you can give that group. One hour? Two hours? Find that sweet spot for you and stick to it!
8. Have an escape route.
Do this as a part of your cope ahead plan. If you can't handle being where you are anymore, know your way out. Have a friend on standby who can call or pick you up. Know where you can go and how to get there, just in case.
9. Practice grounding techniques.
The most important part of handling stress is staying grounded.You can find some helpful grounding techniques to keep you centered here.
10. Reward yourself.
If you do absolutely anything this holiday season that you were stressed about or that you didn't want to or that stressed you out, you deserve to be rewarded. Guilt-free. After doing what everyone else wanted, take even just a moment to do something for you.
