Obviously, if I am causing bodily harm to myself, I want someone to stop me. I want someone to be there to guide me towards a better coping mechanism where I can fully process the pain I've been through. However, nobody gets the right to stand in the way of processing my own trauma.
For me, writing has always been an outlet. I was able to describe to my mom the first counts of where I felt depressed through my writing. I wrote an open letter to a relative who emotionally abused me during my childhood as a way to cope. And now, I've used my writing to process the pain so called "best friends" put me through over the last year of my life. I didn't realize all the damage that has been done until I walked away.
I've never been good at verbalizing how I am feeling. I hate being vulnerable with people because I do not want to appear as weak nor do I feel comfortable opening up with people right away. I have trust issues I'm still learning to overcome.
Side note: if you're one of my friends and I have expressed how hurt I am or you have seen me cry congratulations. You're among the very few.
Anyways, writing is one of my coping mechanisms I learned in therapy helps me collect my thoughts, reflect, and process whatever situation I am going through.
I've also learned to use my writing as a form of advocation. I hope that people when they read my articles or whatever I publish, they can learn and grow from my mistakes. I also hope that if they are facing a similar scenario, they feel less alone. I've always turned towards blogs or YouTube videos where people openly discuss what they are going through. It's a form of emotional connection and just overall relief when someone feels the same.
That has always and will forever be my intention. Whether certain people want to believe that or not.
Recently, I've had people who I believed were close to me try to talk me out of my coping strategy. They haven't walked in my shoes and apparently haven't listened to my perspective on situations - how hurt I was. I've been called overdramatic or lying about a situation for pity. If that were only the case.
Sometimes, people do not like hearing the truth because they realize they are part of the problem. And that's on them, not me. It isn't my fault they feel guilty. Quite frankly, if you are a subject of my articles and I describe what you have put me through, I hope you feel uncomfortable. There are two sides to every story, and if they do not want to hear my side anymore, that's okay.
However, I hope you take what I say as an opportunity to learn and grow. I would if the roles were reversed because I would become aware that maybe things aren't the way I believe them to be. It's a chance to make right of the wrong, or at least give it a dam try. We all have progressed through life to be better versions of ourselves. That's the beauty of evolving.
If you are not going to support me through my healing process or believe "I am handling this all wrong," then please get out of my life. I do not need your negative energy any longer clouding up my well-being as I try moving on and being happier.
By messaging me your disapproval in my coping, that is a reflection on you. Not on me.
