The last couple weeks have been eventful for me in the worst way. I lost a friend unexpectedly and then three days later terrorists attacked the city I live in. I know I am not the only one to have experienced tragedies like these, and I have found myself wondering how people react when confronted with difficult situations. Am I dealing with my grief and confusion correctly? Am I making myself feel better or worse? What should coping look like?
Some days, coping looks like getting out of bed, only to crawl back under the covers 20 minutes later after hearing sirens out the window. Other days, it’s waking up ready to take on the world.
Coping is wanting to forget your loss while also hanging onto it with every fiber of your being.
You can feel completely alone in the world one minute and loved and surrounded by warmth the next.
Truthfully, there is no correct way to deal with tragic events. I think we’re all just doing the best we can.
While I know everyone reacts differently, I have found myself measuring my emotions against other people’s. I think I am wrong to still feel scared and hurt when others are going on with their lives. Conversely, I wonder if there is something wrong with my friends when they react differently than me.
It’s hard to understand how other people cope.
You might want to talk about what happened for hours on end while your friend wishes to put it out of her mind all together. This can be confusing and even frustrating. It can interfere with your own coping process.
Differences in the way people handle tragedy and grief are very normal. It’s hard to realize it at the time, and I’m still reminding myself that. It is important to pay close attention to your own feelings and those of your loved ones. Never feel afraid to reach out for professional help if things get too tough to handle on your own.
Coping can feel lonely.
It can be especially lonely when others can’t relate to what you’re going through. I was frustrated when my study abroad friends didn’t know how wonderful my college friend was before he passed and when my college friends couldn’t relate to the fear I felt the night of the attacks. I know this doesn’t mean they don’t care though.
Sometimes I want to scream, “You have no idea what I feel like!” and take all my anger out on my loved ones. And though it’s true they don’t know exactly what I’m going through, they are always there to try and help me feel better. I’ve reached out to friends at home and abroad during this difficult time and it helps immeasurably.
Every day is a different story.
Is it okay that there are times when I can’t peel myself away from CNN and other times when the mere mention of anything related to the attacks fills me with anxiety? I wake up every morning not knowing how I will handle that particular day and go to bed feeling a different way each night.
Some days are considerably worse than others and that’s okay. The important things are being kind to yourself and making it through each day the best you can.
When something tragic happens to you, do whatever you can do get through it. You can laugh, cry, dance, write; don’t let your expectations of what coping should look like get in your way of moving on.
