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Health and Wellness

An Open Conversation With My Friend Who Committed Suicide

This is a case I’ll never close and a puzzle I’ll never solve.

Gabriella Lopez

Mar 16, 2018

North Carolina State University

1644

An Open Conversation With My Friend Who Committed Suicide

Myself

I took a walk today and got some space to clear my head, but, the more I wandered, the lonelier I felt. I tried to get inside your mind. What was so frightful that leaving all you have ever known was where you found solace. I guess that’s the answer though.

Maybe, it’s that the unknown held more promises than what you knew you ever did. We all rely on hope, and you found yours in never searching for it or being crushed again.

I’m selfish for wanting you back. I’m selfish for missing you. I’m selfish for wishing things never went so wrong. Some say you’re selfish for what you did. I don’t get how they could ever place blame on someone who was so hurt that missing out on tomorrow was your healing for today.

We all have our methods of freedom, and you finally found yours. I just have to deal with myself and wrestle with your absence against my own longing. Everyone who ever spent a minute of their time with you shared a brief lapse of time with such a fleeting individual, and they now recognize you were too good to be boxed into time.

You’re a classic memory that colors every smile and grays every tear. This is a puzzle I’ll never solve — a case that will never close. That’s part of the journey with you, it helps me feel closer. Exploring every avenue you traveled and going to every closet you visited will forever be my comfort. I hope that’s okay.

It’s hard to talk about you. I never know what to say. Nobody can relate to our bond. I’m sure everyone feels that they shared a part of you that is strictly theirs. It helps us cope.

I could talk about the wonderment that you graced me with, but that’s a given, and I would rather unpack my burdens and just share my heart. Today, I can only hope that you found what you were hoping for.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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