The minute this article gets posted, I lose all control over editing my article. If the editor made a small error or I notice something is wrong, I cannot go back and fix it. It absolutely drives me crazy. I have another blog using blogger, and I have complete control over it. After my mother reads it, I can go back and edit the mistakes she found. It is pretty easy to miss your own grammatical errors or even accidentally forget a word in a sentence when you are editing your own papers.
I was talking to my older brother about the arrangement with this website. I told him how it makes me look dumb if my editor missed an error or even accidentally created an error while editing. People are people and no one is perfect, but I definitely want my articles to seem perfect when they are public. It is a reflection on me. I do not want my readers to believe I do not know how to form a complete, logical sentence.
Control is something I deal with on a daily basis. I am a Type A personality. I like having control over things. Now, I am more of a mild Type A personality because I will give up control on some things, but there are a lot of things I do not enjoy giving up control of. I even want control over things I know that I will never have any real control of. I like to be in charge of group projects. I like to be in control of my work schedule. I get stressed out if I feel like I do not have control over the way I spend my time. I would like to have total control over my life, but there are too many external factors that ruin my attempt at control. I often say that I have OCD (Order Compulsive Disorder).
Perfectionism is also one of my struggles. I want to be perfect. I would love it if I never made mistakes. Even silly mistakes like forgetting to pick up my textbook, forgetting a comma, forgetting a word in a sentence, picking the wrong answer on a test etc. I tend to get a little bent out of shape when I make mistakes. Do not get me started on how I feel over a big mistake. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones where more than just you get hurt or you cannot stop replaying your mistake in your head. It can be an overwhelming burden to keep up a performance of excellence all the time.
So why are control and perfectionism a combination? Like most cocktails, a little too much of them can leave you with quite the headache. I know in my experience, I can feel pretty down about myself when I forget to be aware of my humanity.
Being human means you will never have control over everything. Being human means you will never be perfect. It is a part of our genetic makeup. You never have to teach a child how to be naughty. I watched three little ones over the summer and I never had to teach them how to push each other. We want to be in control and perfect because we are creatures who know we have the potential for better. We can choose to have a better life.
Here is some good news: it is okay to give up control. It is okay to feel helpless. It is also okay not to be perfect. It is okay to make mistakes and learn from them. If you ever think you do not have anything in common with someone, just remember you are both humans. We all lack control and we are all imperfect.
