There's one thing that you taught me that I will carry everywhere with me. That being, always know when to walk away to benefit the other person. No matter if it hurts you, or leaves you begging for a hand to hold. That being, you taught me how to be selfless. I'd never been selfless before, never once. I always had it in my head that people, plans, anything else, should revolve around me. I never quite acted like that. But, deep inside, I did feel this way. There comes a place in every relationship, no matter if it's romantic, platonic, or a friendship, where you must decide if what you two have should last forever, or come to a stop. I swear I have seen the world completely different through you. I lived within you for months, always wanting to spend time with you.
I guess what I'm getting at is, we must know when to let go. Yes, I understand that letting go is so much harder than holding on. We tend to hold on to everything and anything that gets close to us, it makes us feel a little more at ease. I'm not sure when I knew that I had to walk away. But I knew that I had to. I saw the way I was bringing you around. I saw that my actions influenced you, as yours did mine. If you pushed our plans back, yes I'd be upset, but I learned that things don't always happen my way. I learned to see things from the outside in, rather the inside out. When it's dark outside, the person inside the house can't see outside. However, the person outside the house, can see inside. You brought me to that realization. Always be two steps ahead of yourself so you can understand and watch how your actions affect people. Words mean absolutely nothing, actions are everything.
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Becoming selfless wasn't the easiest thing for me. I had to give up a lot of who I used to be, my ego was a big one. After walking away from you, for your benefit and mine, I learned a lot of who I should be. I was fogged for a long time. I had no idea where I was going, or how I was going to get there. People always say, revolve yourself around people with goals, at that time in my life, my only goal was to have fun. I wasn't worried about anything, and that's not a way someone should live. In all honestly, I think I've become a better more mature person. I was once told, that not everything needs a reaction, and I believe that 100 percent. As we grow, we should reflect on who we used to be, and who we are now. I never did that before. I thought that who I was, was already great. And I was so wrong. That's why I walked away, I knew I wasn't great in your eyes anymore.
You said that you didn't know how to help me anymore. Frankly, neither did I. I was so blind and in love. As I understand, people in love, can't see what is wrong. They are only focused on the person they are in love with. I was wrong there. I wouldn't change those 10 months however. I have grown so much, and I swear to you I'm not the same person I was. I'm happy, and I'm content, but I'm always looking for more room to grow as a person. I don't believe we ever stop growing. The day I walked away, I took everything I had, and let it go.
I had to let it all go. I have never felt so much happiness, than I have with you. I knew when to leave, and I know when to come back. When I told you I was temporary, I didn't mean it the way you thought. I meant it, in a way like, life isn't even temporary. We don't live forever, even though I wish some moments did. I didn't mean it as if I was going to leave and never come back. I know-I know when to let go, let go of who I used to be and become a better person. I know when I have to grow to benefit not just myself, but the people around me.
