We've all been there: watching "The Bachelor" or one of its spin-offs on a Monday night dreaming of what it would be like to be made into a TV personality and forced to live with all those people who are all dating the same person and who all seem a little off their rockers. We can't help but to ask, "Would I be the fan favorite? Would I even make it past the first rose ceremony? Would I be the designated crazy one?"

Well, if I were a contestant on "The Bachelor":

1. I would have an odd occupation.

To be honest, a small part of me aspires to make dog loving into a career, and now I know it's possible. Thanks, Bachelor Franchise!

2. I would be a semi-fan favorite.

I would be no Ben Higgins because nobody is that perfect. But I'm not crazy like Ashley I. either.

Girl, how large are your tear ducts? Seriously.

3. I would become best friends with Chris Harrison.

That's all I want in life. Really. That's it.

4. I would most definitely come back for "Bachelor in Paradise."

I live for this show: the epitome of keeping it classy and keeping it trashy. Also, Jorge, Chris and I would be the best of friends.

5. I would be the funny one that actually makes it somewhat far.

Like The Chad.

Or my girl, Kaitlyn.

6. I would be the star of the bloopers.

7. I would not approve of the group dates requiring too much physical activity.

"You want me to play rugby for the chance of a few extra hours with you spent with four other ladies? Yeah, no. I'm out."

8. I might be painted as one of the crazies.

But I'd be friendly-crazy not crazy-crazy...hopefully.

9. I would be the one to crack a few sex jokes.

10. I would not get the first impression rose.

Unless, the bachelor likes a woman who's a little too quirky, enjoys eating a little too much and actually takes pride in not exercising as much as she should.

11. I would not be a size 2 nor tan.

Really, Bachelor Franchise? It's time to cast some average-looking people for once.

12. I would not have a sad background story.

I would only be the underdog if all the viewers somehow fell in love with me and wanted to see me win the whole thing despite my lack of femininity, cosmetic knowledge or toned thighs.

13. I would stay far, far away from the crazy ones.

I would just enjoy my day-drinking and afternoon entertainment of catty gossip and teasing b*tch fights. I wouldn't get crazy...I swear.

14. At the end of the day, I probably would hate the whole experience.

That mansion would lose its charm. I'd be sent home, reunited with my cell phone after months of exhaustive filming and later paid even more to say that I actually had the time of my life. Yay for "reality" TV!

Despite how much I hate this show, I love it just as much - if not more. So keep obsessing over tears and split drinks, Bachelor Nation! Because it doesn't seem that this franchise will die anytime soon. Happy gossiping!