I am writing this article from the heart. I had no idea what to say and as I am sitting here I just wanted to get this off of my chest.
Living in constant fear sucks.
Recommended for you
I have different battles going on in my head constantly and it is exhausting. I am a freshman in college; this is supposed to be the best time of my life and here I am afraid of things that do not make any sense.
I fear the food that my body needs to survive. I fear failure in classes or just life in general. I fear letting people that I love down. I fear being alone and I fear being in crowds.
Being afraid all of the time is isolating and crippling. I feel alone even when I know that there are so many people who love and care for me. My family, my sorority sisters, my boyfriend, and people from my high school all want to see me be healthy and be successful, but they also understand perfection is not realistic. Why can I not see this for myself? I never expect anyone else to be perfect and I see everyone else as beautiful. Why is it so hard to do that in my mirror?
I live my life. I love my family and friends. I REALLY love dogs and Christmas decorations, music, and movies. However, I feel empty, terrified, sad, weak, and alone a lot of the time. Logically I can see that I have had it really good, but my battles should not be ignored because of the fact that I have not had something horrendously tragic happen.
My brain is clouded and fogged by mental illnesses and I fight a battle every single day to smile and get out of bed, but the important thing is that no matter how hard it may be, I do it.
I am successful because I work hard and I never give up. That is how I know I will beat this. I know I will be victorious because that is the one and only option. I will come out on the other side stronger and wiser because of everything I have to fight. I am a warrior and I am going to prove it to myself.
