It's easy for people to think that attractive-looking people have nothing to worry about in dating and in life in general.
I don't really blame them. After all, how many times have I thought if I could just be _____ or have ______ I would be happier and/or find love more easily?
I guess on the surface, attractive people have a relatively easier time drawing people in. But is that really always such a good thing?
As someone who is considered relatively attractive, I find it really lonely a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong--I would be lying if I said that I never enjoyed it or found it easier and more convenient in certain cases. But when I start to like someone, or when people chase after me, or when I enter a relationship... it usually just goes downhill from there.
People often judge attractive people based on their appearance, and don't bother to look beneath the surface. Of course, that goes for everyone. People will always judge others based on what they can see. But what I'm trying to say is that labeling and having preconceived notions is a negative thing, even for attractive people.
What can possibly be so bad about being judged on your appearance if your appearance is a positive quality?
Because, to put it in the words of Mulan, "my reflection doesn't show who I am inside."
A lot of people assume that because I look a certain way, my life is easy and I haven't experienced hardships. They don't know that I grew up in an abusive family, am prone to depression, and was suicidal for a very long period of my life.
People also assume I have a lot of friends, and that everyone likes me so life is just easier for me. They don't know that I have been in toxic and manipulative relationships all my life and that I was bullied all throughout elementary to high school by my "friends", so I'm really bad at making friends and trusting people. In fact, I grew up thinking I was ugly because girls around me always made fun of the way I looked.
They think I must be social, super extroverted, a wild party girl, sleep around a lot, and conventional. But growing up I spent most of my time alone, reading books, watching anime, playing video games, drawing and singing. I don't go to parties, don't get drunk, will never do drugs knowingly, don't date, and have never had sex (and will not do so until I'm married).
They think (or hope?) that because I'm pretty, I must be dumb, but I've actually taken the IQ test administrated by a licensed psychologist and got 125+ (I got 125, but by the end of the 4-hour test, I started BS-ing my answers so much I didn't even let the psychologist finish asking the questions... which I high-key regret now because I really want to know what my actual score would have been).
They think that if I don't come up to them and talk to them I'm a bi*ch who thinks I'm too good for everyone else, but really I'm just introverted, super shy, and awkward. I get a lot of social anxiety and I tend to feel like I would be a burden or unwelcome interruption (also, I hate small talk).
... So yeah, being "attractive" isn't all that great.
What makes me the most lonely is when someone shows an interest in me or I'm in a relationship with someone. Because in my past experience, they were all just infatuated with the way I looked, and the girl they thought I would be based on that appearance.
It's a terrible feeling, to believe that you are liked and cared for, even loved, only to realize that the person they like/care for/love is not really you.
It's like you found out you've been cheated on, only there's no girl to blame for seducing the guy, and you can't exactly blame the guy for being unfaithful because it was you, or the person he's made up in his mind to be you.
So you end up blaming yourself, but should I really have to apologize for who I am? Should I have to apologize for being different from the person someone thought I was?
I want to be loved for who I am--for my mind, my heart, my soul. If someone would first love these, then I would be more than happy to let them enjoy my physical appearance as well. The thing is, it usually doesn't work that way.
I know I may sound like I'm complaining like I'm being whiny and ungrateful for what I have. I'm not ungrateful--I know that there are benefits of looking the way I do.
But everyone talks about inclusivity and acceptance while failing to include and accept people who have controversial opinions. They talk about tolerating everyone's opinions, but they only tolerate the ones that they find tolerable, and in doing so create a sort of double rejection for those they can't tolerate as intolerable (e.g. Christianity, but that's a topic for another day).
Yes, of course, we should accept and not have biases towards people who are poor, who aren't conventionally attractive, who are minorities, etc. But lots of people forget to also include and empathize with those who are rich, who are conventionally attractive, who are the majority, who seem better-off than others.
Just because people seem better-off than you, doesn't mean that they aren't struggling or suffering. They might not even be able to find a purpose in their life. Even if they may not be struggling to find their next meal, or dealing with psychological disorders, they experience pain and suffering that is equally valid to them. Hardships can't be compared because everything affects people differently, and everyone has different experiences.
They are people, too.
And just because someone fits into one of the "privileged" categories, it's not as if they can't fit into "unprivileged" ones at the same time. For example, my parents never finished high school and currently own a nail salon (read: we are financially/economically struggling), I'm a Korean-American (minority), and I'm usually considered attractive in the Asian circle, but would probably be average or below average in the majority (white) circle.
I am considered intelligent and talented in the arts and am better in those respects than a lot of people, but there are also tons of people who are a lot better than me.
Like everyone else in the world, I am both privileged and unprivileged.
Even people who have nothing materially are very privileged in other respects.
Nobody's life is an absolute hell-hole, nor is anyone's life a perfect dream. Everyone is trying to fill something, to reach some goal, regardless of their financial or social status.
Think about it: why do impossibly rich people work so hard to get more money? Why do famous people try so hard to keep their status? Everyone is working to fill some kind of void, and nobody has achieved everything.
What you perceive as happiness or success may be very different from what someone else perceives as happiness or success. Both of you can continue to try to reach your goals, and you may feel like if you had that person's life you would be set, but that person might see their life in a very different way, and may even be working desperately for what you have.
Everyone has different needs and desires; honestly, there is no purpose served by comparing one person to another, because any two people are just so incredibly different (background, situation, personality, values, etc.), even if they may appear to have many similarities.
I'm not saying that people should ONLY empathize with my side of the story. I'm not saying that people who seem like they "have it all" should be put up on a further pedestal than they already are, in a way.
I'm saying we should take them off that pedestal and try to see them for who they really are--blessed, flawed, imperfect, raw, both the good and the bad.
People will always form their opinions on someone based on what they seem like initially--as humans, that's inevitable, and it can be useful/helpful in some ways--but don't grip onto those assumptions.
Form them, but be conscious and careful of what you're forming, and open your mind to the possibility that they may be very wrong, or at least, not the full story.
