God?

Growing up I never thought much about faith or church, I knew that I would go to Sunday school and learn about some man that got trapped in a whale. Or a man and woman who ate an apple and God got mad at them. Stories that I always heard about but never really understood their meaning, even laughing at it sometimes. Years went by where I didn't want to wake up on Sunday morning for church or go Wednesday nights because of what people might think of me. After all, Christians are the most judgmental people in the entire world. I never understood the Bible and all the metaphors and different meanings that's "God" was trying to tell us. One moment I'm sitting in a chair at church listening to my preacher and then the next Sunday I'm being dunked down into water saying I am a new man and God has entered my heart. The thing was I didn't feel any different, I've seen so many people around me crying and excited and jumping for joy. While I sat there, with a blank look on my face trying to figure out what was wrong wit me.

Fresh Meat Going Bad

Time went on and I got into high school, meeting the girl that I love the most in my life to this day. A beautiful girl that I did not deserve to have in my life. I thought that my life was complete and everything I ever wanted was right there, but I still felt empty. A year goes by and mi relationship got stronger with my girlfriend and with my guy friends. Just being guys. Throwing cuss words out like it was a bad habit and my happiness in myself was slowly slipping through my fingers like sand at a beach. My relationship with my father had grown worse since my mother and father divorced in 2012, finally understand why my mom was unhappy for most of her life. Everything around me personally was falling apart. But I still went to school, putting on a smile for my friends and wanting to make them laugh. Then walk back into a house that was definitely not home, as cheesy as that sounds it was more than true.

Senior SZN

My senior year rolled around and things got worse than I thought they were. Depression rolled into my mind and overtook it like an invading army. I would look in the mirror and still be looking for the person I was four years ago. I started snapping easier on family, friends, and even my teachers, something I was defiantly not aloud to do because I know my moms skill with a wooden spoon. It's to this day that if you ever see my flinch while someone is tossing salad, you will know why. I fell on tough times mentally, I would start crying for no reason and get mad about things my girlfriend did (4 ½ years going strong btw) that I use to never get mad about. Everything was second guessed and wasn't sure about I walked around worrying about how I looked. I was six foot six inches in high school so I was hard to miss. I would go home and pray to a God that I never even knew about and question him. Why have you made me feel this way? Why have you left me? Why am I alone? The questioning definitely didn't end that day, it would continue night after night as I cry myself to sleep. "If God loved me so much then why did you make me feel this way? Why would he destroy my happiness in myself". Questions that would never get answered and people in my life that would not bother to acknowledge me or my sickness to myself. Some good news was my senior season of sports with track and field where I would go on to break my school records in shot put and discus, then a week later my friend Deshawn break the discus record I set. So that was an amazing opportunity I worked hard for but I still never felt satisfied or fulfilled with myself. My senior year started wrapping up and the idea that the "friends" that I had were probably not going to be there for me after we graduate was starting to set in. I got worse and worse and at this point I was lost within myself. I was like a lost ship desperately looking for the lighthouse to bring me ashore. Luckily a few days before my Senior Prom, I saw the little glimmer of light from that light house.

My Lighthouse...Finally

My hope was dwindling and my confidence was gone in myself. Being rejected by all my college choices and once having that feeling of rejection creep into the back of my mind. That lighthouse stood tall for me and I was paddling towards it with a dead motor. That's when I made it. April 26th, 2018, the day I finally reached it. I went on a college tour to a Bible college called Word of Life. I went with my youth group because I got to miss school right before Prom. So who doesn't want to miss school and go out of town with friends. I was invited by one of the church Interns and my good friend Nick Tuason. We drove up to Hudson, FL and pulled into the school grounds. Immediately we were welcomed by a group of W.O.L.B.I students dressed like they were have a Hawaii themed party. They yelled and screamed and for the first time in a while, I felt welcomed. That night after the party we had worship on the lakeside overlooking the lake while the sun was setting. When everyone started singing something I felt in my heart was different, I felt fulfilled and I didn't know why. It was a feeling I have been longing for and it had been so long since I had it that I didn't know how to react. I started tearing up and finally felt like someone and something. It was that night on that lake that I gave my life to Jesus Christ at 18 years old. I went through those 2 days there happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I went home a changed man and graduated high school happier than I ever thought I would ever be again. I reached ashore and I was met by the lighthouse keeper, that man was Jesus Christ. I made I finally made it.

Why does this matter? Who am I

If you made it this far you are probably wondering why does this matter to you? How does this apply to you? My life is not your life, we all have different obstacles and issues we have to deal with in our lives. No matter how rich or poor you are. No matter how popular or unpopular you are in school or social media. We are created in God's image and we are all equal in his eyes. There is no one greater than the next when we come face to face with our creator in heaven. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light, and because of that I am a changed man. If you find yourself in life's landfill and you feel like just another pieces of garbage then turn to Him. Or if you read this and have no idea who HE is, then ask questions and push those questions. Question the Bible, not in a bad way, but ask the tough questions to people who are knowledgeable about the Bible. And if those people resent you, tell them to contact me and we will talk because they are not doing anything to contribute to the Kingdom. People can change and we live in a world where it's scary to be different, but I promise it will be better for you. Because in the end it's only going to be you and your Heavenly Father. Remember to be a lover and not a fighter and also to not be intolerant of others beliefs and feelings. Love you all and thank you for reading.