It's safe to say that most people hate confrontation. Whether it's at school or at work, confrontation can cause awkward or disagreeable situations. The best way to handle these situations is to be prepared and communicate clearly. As a student at a university, I know from experience that sometimes it is necessary to my grade in a class that I speak up for myself about issues in grading or group work. The following tips can be helpful in many different situations where confrontation with an authority figure may happen. They are also useful in a professional environment with peers.
1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Pick your battles. If it's something important, then say something politely. If it's not worth it, don't fuss, because when something worth it does come up, your comment may not be taken as seriously. Stay cool and level-headed when communicating with people at work or school. You never know if you'll get the same
professor or lab partner in a future class! Don't burn bridges.
2. Get input.
Before confronting a professor or boss, get some input on what you should do and say. Don't get input from a peer in the class or a coworker. Talking to someone who is biased in the situation can only cause more issues when trying to resolve the problem. Communicating with someone who can see from an outside perspective may give you some new ideas on how to handle the situation. Take advice with a grain of salt, because there is such a thing as bad advice!
3. Find a course of action.
Do your research. Know the chain of command and list the possible solutions. Think through your options and find the right decision for your situation. If the issue is with a professor, there are different routes through the institution to take to resolve issues. Try to find these options when considering what to do about your grievance. Don't jump to the most drastic measure of solving your problem before giving the less severe options a chance first. Remember, don't burn bridges.
4. Think through your points.
Once you've decided to follow through with a plan, it's important to prepare so that you can begin the
conversation calmly and clearly. If you're nervous, sometimes it's helpful to write key points on an index card to prepare. If meeting with a professor where there are several points to discuss, having these notes will help you stay on track as well. Thinking about what you're going to say beforehand will help the conversation go more smoothly and help you stay on track.
5. Have it in writing.
If it's a serious issue, make sure to have the conversation in writing. It's important to document issues that may need to be proven or followed up. Having proof of the conversation can be really beneficial in a situation where you are trying to resolve an issue with an authority figure, such as a professor. Make it part of your plan to send an email or make some other
type of written documentation on the issue.
6. Get input again.
Now that you've figured out your course of action and revised your points, it's time to get more input. Once again, don't choose people who would have a biased opinion on the issue. Try to talk to people who you know to have communication skills and solve problems well. People who are used to handling conflict or have a way with words can often offer up helpful tips. My mom and my close friends are always a great sounding board when it comes to issues that I am thinking about how to resolve.
7. Have a Plan B.
Especially in time-sensitive issues, it's important to have a back-up plan. When talking to someone in a position of authority, the outcome may not always be ideal, so a back-up plan can come in handy! Try not to be too upset if Plan A doesn't work out because there's almost always another route to take. If the first one doesn't work, it's only a matter of going back to brainstorming which course of action to choose. If the first choice in a series of options didn't work, it may be time to move to a more serious action, depending on the severity of the situation.
8. Stay calm.
Who likes confrontation? Most people hate it. The important thing to remember is to stay calm. The issue might make you upset, especially if the situation isn't going your way. Taking a deep breath and trying to keep your emotions in check will give you a much better chance at getting your way. Be reasonable, and document any conversations had about the issue (see above). Go into it prepared and try not too be so nervous that you can't stay on track.
9. Be polite.
When dealing with confrontation in professional environments such as work or school, it's important to be polite and use the best of manners. Having to work with the same person or take a class from the same professor can be really awkward if you let your emotions run wild while dealing with an issue. Handling issues politely and reasonably can make professors and peers respect you, but handling issues poorly can make it more difficult for you.
10. Know that you have resources.
Whether at work or school, it's important to be aware of your resources. If resolving an issue isn't going as planned and you need help, become familiar with the resources available to you for problem-resolution. At school, there are counselors, department heads, and Equal Opportunity offices. At work, there is often another point of contact in management than the direct management you may be resolving the issue with. There is often a Human Resources contact to help resolve issues, as well. Being aware of your options can help relieve stress during a problematic situation.
Dealing with any problem at work or school, as well as normal responsibilities, can be really stressful and distracting. Solving the problems quickly and efficiently can help reduce that stress. Being knowledgeable about your options and staying levelheaded throughout the process will help you be successful in confrontation.
