my self doubt creeps out

suspicion of ambition

at the age of twenty-three

I should be so much more than me

a yearning to be defined

as success in anothers mind

in hopes other people's approval

will cleanse and begin the removal

of degrading thoughts that flourish and dance

I let them roam and give them another chance

taunting me of who what where I should be

and why it'll never be within my reach

I am subpar, amateur and utterly unworthy

a familiar ritual, embracing toxic speech

after feeding my mind this bitter debris

I still expect myself to remain care-free

while suspended in shackles to the depths of my uncertainty

yet it is my clenched fist that holds the key

and still refuses to unleash all that is me

thoughts like these can feel safe and comfy

still I challenge this reasoning at any hour

in a sympathetic, patient and personal way

I meditate my thoughts, I hold the power

unboxing confidence that is here to stay

lighting the fire that melts my shackles of doubt

challenging what the appeal of this ride is about

learning to let thoughts flow as my worth arises

praising in gratitude for thought’s surprises

~~

As the rain hysterically cries I don't resist and

Join in as I lay in my bed of lies

A support system to everyone but myself

Doubting my abilities like it’s good for my health

Who do you think you are? You're unworthy of that

Don't you dare follow your petty little dreams

These passion are less important than scrolling through

This group chat

The universe works for everyone but you

Nothing is as it seems

Just like Mother Earth when she's had a good pity cry

She forgives herself and surrenders to let her tears dry

From her soil green stems flourish and oversupply

Once a place she came to self loathe, a harsh barren field

Then realizing the insecurities she had to yield

Is now a lush garden of inner beauty that can not be concealed