If there’s anything I’ve learned in my life, it’s that everyone needs a confidant in their lives. Someone to share the deepest of fears with. And for those people over the years, I’m grateful. So this one’s to just a few of them.

Al. You were the one who changed things for me; the one who I first learned what a friendship was and that it wasn’t such a shitty thing. From my first dance practice, to my first sleepover, to my first drink, to my first funeral, to my first time the reality of life hit. You were the constant in all of these, the one who brought me coffee on days I could barely cope with the thought of living another day in that hellhole. The one who brought me to my first dance class where I’d form a family. The one who forced me to do my first ever spoken word. The one who I had my first beer with. The one who dragged me out of a crack den when I hit the lowest. The one who I wish I hadn’t let go of too soon. The sister I never knew I needed. And for all that, the good and the bad, I’m grateful. And I wish I had spent your last days on this Earth in your company rather than being estranged. I wish I had been there for you when he took a bullet to your brain. I wish I had been there when they lowered you into ground and poured dirt onto your grave. I wish I had just been able to say goodbye, but we’ll meet again someday.

Ant. Four long years and I owe my adulthood to you and the experiences you’ve introduced me to. Granted, I low-key hate you for all the near-death experiences. From unpaid interns to making good dough as heads of departments. From late night kashmiri chai runs to early morning board meetings, to weekend getaways to quick lunches in the cafe across the street from work. From finding your lifeless body on the hardwood floors of your place to losing a pulse for two minutes while you were told I was gone. It was all worth the memories in the end. I wish we hadn’t seen the dark sides of the world and just enjoyed the good times. But, these experiences will be something we look back on with smiles in the future.

Marifer. Bet you wouldn’t have guessed I’d use that nickname huh. It’s been a hell of a rollercoaster with this friendship. From working our asses off junior year with Hazard at FBLA things to Student Council, slowly but surely reeling us in and taking over our lives. From Brooklyn Bridge Park adventures to our casual altering of DaVinci’s pizza and Jin Jins every other day. From the daily Starbucks addiction to the baristas judging us for still being there. From one dark day to low-key almost dying. From wanting to kill you to learning to deal with each other’s shit. In the end, it was all good because in this short span of time we’ve mutually decided maybe we shouldn’t kill each other. JK THOUGH I HATE YOU A LOT OF THE TIME. But in the end, you’re still the idiot I hit up at 2 am when I’m drunk in a bar and a hot ass mess. THANKS FOR NOT EXPOSING ME.

Hazmat. You’re a hazard to the sanity of our friend circle; jk we love you and your hoe-ish vibes. From your hatred for Keya to putting you on shaadi.com(LMFAOOOOO I CANT EVEN STILL). From your drunken voicemails last homecoming to low-key running shit your senior year. From cutting gym to crash in the office with the homies to all the blackmail pictures I have from that one time you wore a Santa hat and regretted it. From the shitshow that was us during the the fashion show my junior year to you going off to college. From the photography adventures to the 3 am Skype lectures. From you saving me from myself to telling me I’m a medical mess as a pre-med student (btw, thanks for all the advice when I hit you up instead of going to an actual doctor). In the end, you’re still the homie I hit up to keep me in check.

And for everyone, included in this and otherwise, thanks for sticking around.