Disclaimer: Consumption of alcohol is illegal for people under 21 years of age.
As I write this, it is currently the night before Halloween, and I believe it's time to reflect. It’s been a solid two and half months since I went on medication for my stomach. I'm not allowed to digest anything acidic, and that means no hot sauce, no Red Bull, no coffee, and last but not least, no alcohol. The first two months of my freshman year were dry, and it will have to be this way until December when I get an endoscopy to see whether my stomach is okay. Not being able to drink used to bug me, but by now, I’ve accepted it. For many people, surviving the first two months of freshman year without alcohol sounds like a daunting task. At times, it has not been easy. But I honestly think that in the long run, it's been a beneficial experience, because I’ve definitely learned a lot. I still go out to party like your average freshman, but it is a little different. Here are a few confessions I have compiled as a sober partier over the past two months.
Confession 1: Pregaming is not fun.
The pregame may be my least favorite part of the night. Everyone’s more focused on drinking than socializing. It’s a lot of people holding their noses and wincing as shitty vodka with a taste you can liken to rubbing alcohol runs down their throats. It’s fast-paced and not relaxed at all, because everyone wants to go, go, go. One advantage is that you save a lot of money, because you don’t have to pay for the alcohol you’re not drinking. Well, this is the case if your friends aren’t pricks who make you pay even if you don’t drink.
Confession 2: People aren't as smooth as they think they are when they're drunk.
You could swap a lot of words in here for “smooth” like “coordinated” or “cool." Alcohol does the opposite of what you think to you. Sorry to break the news. Don't get me wrong, some people are hilarious when they're drunk, but in most cases, people are just annoying. I really can’t deal with someone hanging on my neck and shoulders trying to scream something drunkenly into my ear. Something about the rank beer breath and the sweaty face next to mine just turns me off, but that might just be me.
However, I will say that drunk pickup lines are the best. Not because they’re effective, but because they’re so bad, they’re funny. The worst pickup line I’ve been given so far at UCLA is:
Guy: Your name is Ryan?
Me: Yup!
Guy: Like O’Ryan’s belt!
Me: Umm... yeah, I guess?
Guy: That makes so much sense, cuz you’re shining as bright as the stars!
Confession 3: If a girl doesn’t want to hook up now, chances are, they’re not gonna want to 20 minutes from now.
This isn’t really a confession, although I can say that I really relate to this. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen guys (or girls) try to make out with another person’s face after said person tried to brush them off. Being sober makes you hyper-aware of all the conversations going on around you. If someone isn’t into you, just move on and save yourself another awkward rejection or, as I saw a few nights ago, a slap in the face. Also, a trashed person is not much of a turn-on, seeing as they won’t remember who you are in five minutes.
Confession 4: I love having those deep connections with drunk people.
It’s surreal, being at a party that’s reached its peak. Everyone is in that warm fuzzy stage and having a good time. The music is good, and everybody wants to make friends. Although it would be nice to be buzzed at this point in the night, it’s also nice to be aware of everything going on. I like talking to drunk people, especially the candid ones. I like learning about other people, and I can agree with the fact that alcohol does make people open up more. Some of the best advice I’ve ever received came from drunk strangers at parties. It’s also nice to remember what everyone said the next morning.
Confession 5: It sucks sometimes to be the “mom."
I can navigate Landfair and Gayley blindfolded at this point. I have to lead my “children” to our destination, and honestly, I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m okay with herding them and making sure none of them walk into the street and into oncoming traffic.
But sometimes, it gets a little old. If something goes wrong, it’s your responsibility to fix it; that’s the unspoken rule. You’re the designated problem-fixer. Requests are usually followed by “because you’re sober” and “you know what you’re doing right now." Truth is, I’m not that responsible, but I’ll try my damn hardest to make sure you find your other shoe and that you make it back home in one piece.
Confession 6: I’ve seen the destructiveness of alcohol.
I was there with my friend who punched a hole in the wall because he was angry at his dad. I was there when my friend was puking in the bushes because she drank to impress a couple of frat guys. I’ve seen people become alcoholics and drink uncontrollably, to the point of blacking out, every single weekend. It’s tough, because how do you confront people about these things? At the end of the day, it’s their decision to drink, and this makes me extremely angry, because it’s out of my control. There’s a fine line between drinking responsibly and allowing alcohol to hurt you. It’s hard to watch; especially when you're sober, because no one else is that aware of others damaging themselves. They’re absorbed in other things.
Confession 7: Sometimes, I feel really alone.
Drunk people don’t understand the gravity of some serious situations. Most times, they think it’s funny when someone isn’t responding on the couch. They don’t understand, and sometimes, there’s that disconnect between sober and drunk people. It can happen when talking to them, or when they’re all laughing at something that isn’t really funny.
Confession 8: Sometimes, drunk people scare me.
There are those guys who become angry drunks and they can get aggressive. I’m also really afraid of vomit. I can’t deal with that, and I know it’s ridiculous because everyone throws up, but it freaks me out. I can’t hold someone’s hair back when they’re throwing up; I’m the first to run out of the room when someone loses it. It’s horrible, but I can’t help it. People who are stumbling and reeling around scare me too. I don’t like being in rooms with people who can’t handle their liquor; it’s not a fun situation.
Confession 9: I can’t blame anyone for what they do drunk.
Their judgement was impaired! That’s what alcohol does! You can’t be mad if someone said something unintentionally rude or threw up on your shoes or flirted with the person you were going for. They were drunk. I can be mad at the situation, but definitely not at the person. It’s not their fault, and I honestly believe that. Even if they had some idea about what they were doing, they still weren’t 100 percent thinking straight. I can’t be mad if someone was acting like a jerk the night before, they usually don’t remember it.
On the flipside, if they’re like that sober, it’s time to find a better friend.
Confession 10: I love not being hungover in the morning.
No explanation needed here.
It’s definitely a different experience, being sober at parties. I would recommend trying it at least once. There are some things that people need to realize about the party scene, and I feel like the best way to do that is to see for themselves. I am excited to get off my medication, but I’m also kind of glad that I had to do this; it forced me to confront the reality of parties, alcohol, and people in general.
