We live in an age where nothing is private, and everyone has an opinion on what you are doing. Even subjects that have absolutely nothing to do with them. Whether it be opinions on your political beliefs, religion, race or personal habits, someone will always have something to say about it. You can almost always expect those opinions to be expressed in a negative or demeaning way. For some reason or another it seems like parents, mothers in particular, get the brunt of it. I can’t even tell you how many self-proclaimed “child experts” I meet on a daily basis. As far as I’m concerned if you aren’t in my situation, and my choices are not directly impacting you, keep your nose out of my business. If I didn’t ask for your opinion, just keep your mouth closed, because chances are I don’t give a shit about whatever is going to come out of it. Also, if you don’t even have children, and are not actively participating in raising one, please just walk away from me, because you will never understand until you are actually living it.

I have never claimed to be a perfect mother, but I do know my children are loved, cared for, and alive and well. What more can we ask for? I would like to say that there isn’t a handbook on childrearing, but many sure have tried. Just search Amazon, and you will know what I’m talking about. Thousands of books that claim to have all the answers, yet every answer is different. The other obvious problem is that no child is the same, and not every parent has the same beliefs or values. What works for one family, might not be a feasible option for another. I can’t help but roll my eyes whenever someone steps on their little social media soapbox, and tries to tell another parent how to raise their child.

The mommy shamers have quite a long list of faux paus, or mommy blunders that are completely unacceptable to them. They will police you on something as small as what you feed your children, and what kind of detergent you us to wash their muddy clothes. So I have compiled a list of a few of my mommy confessions that will surly get their panties in a bunch.

My children drink Kool-Aid, Gatorade, and the like. I know, the horror right? How could I possibly put that sugary dye-filled garbage into my children’s growing bodies. Well the answer is simple, they like it, and life is too short to not enjoy the little things. Do I let my kids drink it all the time? Of course not, but it wouldn’t be your business if I did. While we are on it, boxed mac & cheese, Chef Boyardee, and fish sticks are a diet staple. All things I consumed as a child, and I honestly don’t know how I am alive today. Insert sarcasm…

I let my kids watch tv for sometimes hours at a time. Why? I am freaking tired! Whoever says parenting isn’t exhausting, is LYING! Did you catch that, L-Y-I-N-G, lying! After a long day, I will do anything for some silence. Anything for a few moments without hearing “mom, mom, mommy, mom,” or a toddler latching onto my leg like a small chimpanzee. Let’s face it, by the end of the day my brain is mush, so they are probably learning more from Team Umizoomi and Dora than they are from me anyway. If they want to watch something mindless like Teen Titans, that is cool too. If I get to be a vegetable from time to time, why should they have to always be learning something? Let them watch something just because they enjoy it.

I got ALL the drugs when I went into labor. Both times! IV pain meds? Yes please! Epidural? Juice me up! I give so many props to the women who had it in them to do it naturally. You are like a ninja warrior goddess. My menstrual cramps keep me in bed for days, so I already knew going into this that a natural birth was not going to happen. My husband thanks me too. The best part is both children are just fine, and everyone got through labor and delivery miraculously.

I formula fed both of my boys. Breast-feeding is a totally awesome, and amazing thing. Again I give props to any mother who is able to do it, but I am here to say if you can’t, that is OKAY. Some babies can’t latch, some babies have tongue ties or facial birth defects, and some are born too prematurely. Sometimes the mother just doesn’t want to, and that is her right. That is a decision that is 100% nobody’s freaking business. You don’t get to have an opinion on what happens to my boobs, sorry but you don’t. When I had my first son I was extremely young, and it wasn’t something I wanted to do. My second I tried like hell, but he was tongue tied. By the time they figured it out, I had mastitis, and my nipples were cracked and bleeding. I was so engorged I put the Baywatch babes to shame. Does any of that sound enjoyable to you? Yea me either, so formula it was.

My almost 2 year old still uses a paci. I cannot tell you how many times a friend, family member, or complete stranger has decided it was appropriate to tell me that my child is too old for a pacifier. “Just throw it away” and “do you know what that does to their teeth?” are just a few of the phrases I hear on a regular basis. Listen if I thought that I could just throw it away and not have life as we know it come crashing down, I would have tossed it already. He mainly uses it for bedtime, but if my child used it every second of every day, that isn’t your concern. It’s not impending your speech (common paci complaint), because you’re running your mouth as we speak. Last time I checked it isn’t going to impact your life at all. So why does anyone honestly care? I could take it away, and my son could scream in the grocery store for 30 minutes, but then I would get looks and comments accusing me of being a horrible parent who can’t control her children. Seems like a lose-lose situation to me, so I might as well keep doing what works for us.

Sometimes I get a sitter, so I can go out and get tipsy with my friends. Sometimes I even go away for the night, or shamelessly an entire week without my kids. It does not make me a bad mother to take some me time. In fact, I am learning it is necessary to be a little selfish in order to survive. Just because I chose to have children, does not also mean I chose to end all resemblance of a LIFE. Happy parents make for a happy home, and happy children. Just like our kids need play dates, so do we! I honestly feel like that time away from my kids leaves me refreshed, and allows me to be a better mother.

The moral of the story here is that everyone needs to simply worry about themselves. As long as your children are safe, and not being abused or neglected, I couldn't give a crap less what you do with them. Why? Because I did not birth them! I am far too concerned with what is going on in my own chaotic life to worry about whether or not your child is eating organic fruit snacks, or is three and not potty trained. Charge on mommies, and ignore the haters! If you want to dress your children in upcycled t-shirts and rub them with essential oils every night, I support you! We all should. If you want to feed your kids sloppy joes, and put them to bed in the pjs they still have on from the night before, you go Glen Coco! Let’s stop hating, and start celebrating the fact we are surviving this circus called motherhood.