The little blue plus sign never lies. Well, it occasionally can but not five separate times. I am pregnant.
Fast forward to five months later and Whoa, Nelly, we have more than confirmed baby in the form of my rapidly expanding waist and stomach and the little nudges from inside.Think of it this way, when you knock on your stomach, someone answers. Yeah, it's as freaky as it sounds. Since my pregnancy has become public news, moms have been coming out of the woodwork to give advice,counsel and to share their ideas and stories about what pregnancy, children and Motherhood mean to them.
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Even before I was pregnant, since I have always wanted kids, I have heard eager tales of what it was like from quite a few women. I have watched my mother go through it, when she was pregnant with my youngest brother. I have watched a co-worker go through it, and I have watched from afar as one of my very best friends went through it. What I have found both before and during the course of my own pregnancy, is that with hearing about it from others that have gone through it, you tend to get one of two things: A Hallmark Card or a Horror Story. There is very little in between.
Except that there is.
There is so much that we as woman don't tend to talk about when we talk about pregnancy, whether it's because we as women know our audience. It's all about getting to the good stuff! We want to hear about how you found out the news and then we want to hear about how badly you suffered pushing the thing out! Or, because pregnancy is just so individualistic that it's hard to relate to others but for the similar aspects. And well, I have a confession:
The realization that pregnancy is as individualized as it is makes me feel incredibly anxious as a first time mom. I can not begin to count the hours spent reading articles, talking to friends, asking doctors every insane question I could think of. I am super craving hotdogs. Are they safe? (Nitrates you see.) The answer? They aren't gonna do anything too bad in moderation, but you have to grill the shit out of them and oh yeah, you can't have many. Moderation. Big key word. Which sucks by the way when that is the only thing that has truly satisfied you that day. I polished off three that day (it was at a barbecue) before my boyfriend intervened and let me tell you, I am pretty sure I cried a little. Also I have not had a hotdog since.
Then there was the time I refused to eat salmon with bourbon sauce cause you know...bourbon. Even though the alcohol is cooked out and there are some doctors who even recommend a glass of red wine to pregnant women here and there. I am pretty sure two of my oldest friends are at their wits end with me because I have been treating them like they have gone to the most prestigious medical school and have been calling and Facebooking them for the past five months at a near constant basis. "Steph, Elisa, I don't have the linea nigre. Aren't I supposed to be getting it by now? What's wrong with my baby????"
"Steph, Elisa, I had a sandwich with brie cheese on it. It's a soft cheese!!! Oh my God my BABY!"
"Steph, Elisa, I am still crampy like I am getting my period. Is that okay?" And for the record, yes is the answer to that question. Barring bright red blood and a lot of it to boot, you are most likely fine. I believed that because you didn't get your period during pregnancy—although some women do and that's normal as well—that you would be spared cramps. This is not the case. The uterus is a bitchy kitten and since it is growing,stretching and moving out of its comfy pelvic den to by your belly button and beyond, it makes its displeasure known. Fun fact and true story. At any rate, you get the picture. Ball of nerves doesn't begin to describe me. Poor Steph and Elisa, and they aren't the only casualties of my high anxiety.
And the emotions...I wish someone would have focused more on the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy. I wish I would have asked more about it. It is unbelievably hard to navigate because you have to think about what you are actually feeling and what is strictly hormones. You hear the stories of the crazy, hormonal, pregnant woman, see her portrayed in movies and books, but what you don't realize unless you've been there is the slight isolation that comes with it. You don't feel in control. For me, I feel guilty. And sometimes, when my partner bears the brunt (like a champ) I feel shame.
I've come to realize that these aren't completely off the spectrum of a normal pregnancy, but they still are not things that are mentioned. The details aren't seen as important. Only the broader aspects. Pregnancy is not the same for everyone. So to my ladies, know this: the best advice I can give you is to talk. Open your mouth and tell all the nitty-gritty details to your expecting friends. Tell them the triumphs and the failures. The beautiful parts and the gross parts (and there will be some gross parts. Confession: I sneeze and pee myself. Oh yeah. It's a thing.) And know ultimately that you are not alone.
