I was prepared for a lot of things when I came to college. The dreaded Freshman 15. Icebreakers. Terrible cafeteria food. Late nights studying and running to Taco Bell. However, there was one thing I should have foreseen that I forgot about completely.
If you live on campus at all during college, it's hard to get away from anyone. Ever. Class, meals, study sessions: people are always surrounding you. Even the bathrooms are communal, and Netflixing a show can become a group affair.
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At home, I'd always enjoyed a plethora of alone time. Even after a busy day of school, practices, rehearsals, and whatever else I did, I could always come home to an empty room and be alone with my thoughts. I knew that sharing a room would be hard at college, but I didn't think that my lack of solitude would be the reason why.
In high school, I would feel the exhaustion hit me around Thursday. Thursdays were my crash days -- the days I needed a nap or at least a break to relax from my busy life. However, in college my crash day moved up to Tuesday. College was draining me, and I rarely ever got a reprieve. There are also the college parties. I walked out of a party after 30 minutes once because I couldn't handle it any more (yes, I literally just couldn't even) and had to go back to my room to collect myself.
Our society as a whole favors the extrovert. Many grade schools put children's desks into pods, putting four or five students together to facilitate group learning. Social capital is a thing, too: ever heard the phrase, "It's not what you know, it's who you know?" Yeah, that's social capital. Guess who that favors? Obviously the well-connected, but also those who feed off of being around other people all of the time. Businesses love charismatic employees -- and those can be introverts too -- but again, they are more likely to be extroverts.
Here's an example: high school and college are places to start getting involved and padding your resume so that you'll become more marketable. However, to an introvert, too many extracurriculars can be exhausting. Sarah Cain, former lawyer and author of "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking," highlights this issue in an interview with the Guardian and points out that "As soon as [children] get to school they will be repeatedly encouraged to join group activities, even if they would prefer not to. It's all very well-meaning, but it has the cumulative effect of telling the child that their natural preferences for how they spend their time are not valid."
Remember that episode of "Gilmore Girls" when Rory is "encouraged" to make friends instead of simply reading through lunch and ends up joining a secret prep school society because her introversion and love of reading weren't validated in the eyes of her administrators? Yeah, it's like that. I would love to bring a book to work and read through lunch, but, as Cain correctly highlights, introversion and being antisocial are often thought of as equal.
There are many things that I feel as if I'm missing from my college experience because of my introversion. For example, Greek life is huge at my university. I've watched all of my friends rush and fall in love with their sororities/fraternities, make tons of new friends, and have all these great new experiences with twinges of jealousy: I know I could never mentally or physically handle that.
I'm not saying I want to become a hermit (although some days that seems like a viable option) but I am saying that we all should learn to value solitude a bit more. One time one of my colleagues was telling a story about how he went out to dinner by himself once and his own mother thought it was strange that he didn't go with anyone. Hanging out with friends is great and socialization is healthy, but don't ever be afraid to do anything alone. Who knows what you'll discover about yourself when you allow your mind to wander.
For further reading on the subject, read Sarah Cain's article in the New York Times on introversion and our hidden powers here.
Don't know whether you're an introvert or an extrovert? Take the Meyers-Briggs test here.
