Before arriving to college, I had always shown interest in feminism. My friend group back at home where all very empowering of each other. We never bashed on each other, and always made sure to respect each other’s views when it came to politics, social issues, and at most times how we conducted ourselves through our day to day lives. But we all had things in common as well. Most of us were in the same socioeconomic status, nearly all of us were women of color, and vast majority of us shared the same values. When I realized that there were many different takes on feminism, I couldn’t comprehend it. I knew nothing of it, yet I was so attracted to the movement.

The definite turning point of my take on feminism was my freshman year of college. I came in with my head held high thinking that I had everything figured out; and for the most part I did when it came to what I wanted within my life. A badass career, and to be happy. Now, when you’re eighteen, you think you know everything; even especially when it comes to yourself, and who you are. But, now that I’m nineteen, in my third semester of college, and have had my fair share of experiences so far, I am here to tell you that you don’t know shit, and that’s okay cause I’m still figuring it out myself.

1. I have been petty, and at times still am.

Something we all have done is talk mad crap about someone who irks you. This is especially prevalent in the worlds view of women. We are labeled as “catty” with each other, and at times it can be the case, but it happens with dudes too so I don’t know why we always get this label, but you know whatever, that’s another topic. I know some times you can’t help it, but come on you guys. We need to stop talking about each other, and start making conversation about changing the world, the fact both of you SLAY so hard, and encourage each other to be better than yourselves. Trust me when you start this, you will not have any negativity in your bones, and you feel so free.

This goes back to understanding the many different forms of feminism. One women might think being clothed is empowering; also, known as “modest is the hottest”, and the other might think going bra less and wearing their favorite crop top is empowering. Who are they to tell each other or talk mad crap each other’s perceptions of feminism and empowerment? Let yo girl do her! Let her SLAY in whatever way! And you do the same, ALL DAY!

2. Yes, I do listen to that hardcore degrading rap.

It is too hard to completely mute some of the degrading things out there in the media, especially while you’re in college. I mean, I love Lil Yachty as much as the next college kid, but just be aware what the lyrics are saying, and just know that it is deemed unacceptable, but shake it while you still can. Here me out, I would never tell anyone to not listen to a certain type of music, but I will strongly advocate for you guys to make sure you know what you’re listening to.

Just by acknowledging these lyrics can help us understand the other side of the coin. Why a lot of women are upset about these lyrics, and what they teach youth. If you understand, you can potentially switch your perception of the music to “Oh, this my jam!” to “Oh, this my jam, but I do not condone the language or objectification of women in the music video or lyrics.”

Trust me, I am guilty of this. I LOVE MUSIC, I am a dancer. I wish to one day to be on a professional twerk team (Just kidding Mom, but honestly how cool would that be?), but I do know what the lyrics are saying, and I find knowing and acknowledging is half the battle.

3. I have been aching for a boyfriend/relationship. And it is totally OKAY!

This one was a little hard to admit to myself because I am an extremely focused woman, and barley have time to myself much less another person. To admit to being lonely is not a bad thing. I mean it’s better to admit you want someone in your life, then completely keeping it to yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re desperate or not independent, it just means that at some point in your life you want someone there to hold you, or to ask how your day was; give a little push when you can’t go on in your week. I mean its biology, and I don’t mess with science, so I have come to the conclusion if I can’t get over the feeling that I want or that I am ready to spend my time with someone then so be it. People think feminist “don’t need no man”, but it is exactly the opposite!

For a long time, I thought wanting a man showed that I was dependent. I never hated men, I just was not into the idea of sharing my time with anyone other than my career and my dog, Zsus, back home. This, and I guess I do make myself pretty unapproachable, I mean, being outspoken and very abrasive has always scared many away. But, that is a different story.

I did think at one point, I could do all things on my own, and yeah I could probably manage. I have for the past couple years that I was able to start dating. But, at the end of my day I have realized, it would be nice to have someone, other than myself to share my time with. So, this is to all who are not wanting to given to the fall or not wanting to seem dependent on anyone. It’s okay! No one will judge you, because at the end of the day, you will be happy, and that’s all that matters

4. I have judged, often.

Saying something, and believing in it are two different things. In my freshman year, I would spray words of self-love, but act like the biggest bitch on the planet if someone did something I didn’t agree with or I would judge them based off decisions they made. When you do this, you are not only bringing those people down, you bring yourself down. Your credibility, your trustworthiness, and basically you mess up your own mental state. This one is kind of like number one, so you know this one is important if I am reiterating for you guys, so pay close attention!

Just remember, that if your words don’t match up with your actions, look at what you’re doing. Take some time to get to know yourself, and make sure you NEVER judge a book by its cover.

Sorry, that was real cheesy. But you know what the point of it was. DO YOU BOO BOO! And for god sake, let others do them!

5. Metanoia- an Ancient Greek word meaning "changing one's mind"

Lastly, your mind will change. Your take on the world is ever changing, and that is how it is supposed to happen. Be open to a shift in perspective!

I have always had a hard time with this; since I did have one take of feminism in my mind, and then that changed totally when I got to college, it was hard. But, now I can relate to so many more people, I have had so many stimulating conversations on the topic, and I am learning a lot about myself as well. Seeing things from a different POV is always scary, but don’t be frightened by something that you have not tried or done in the first place. I am now a firm believer of, if you can’t beat them, then join them. Or at least see what they have to say, you might learn something!

Here are couple blunders from a bad college feminist that I proudly and personally own up to.

Thanks very much to Roxanne Gay who inspired a lot of this article! Please, watch her TED Talk: Confessions of a Bad Feminist and please, read her New York Times Bestselling Novel: Bad Feminist