Plans need to be made at least three days in advance
Texting back rarely happens
It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you (well, this may be the case sometimes), I just don’t have the energy to text you back. Don’t worry, I read all of my messages (primarily due to the fact I can’t stand having a lot of notifications). I keep my read receipts turned off and if you ask me why I never texted you back the answer typically is, “Sorry, I was taking a really bomb nap.”
Recommended for you
Your best friends are also cynics
If you hate the same people I do, we’re probably already the best of friends. Our inside jokes consist of sarcastic one-liners and friendly jabs at each other. We still do the normal “best friend activities” like sleepovers and Starbucks dates, it’s just a billion times better.
Constantly explaining that you’re not really introverted, you just hate people
People always comment on how quiet I am, especially in situations where I don’t know anyone. Small talk is not exactly in my vocabulary. Don’t expect me to want to become best friends with every person that I see. The good news? I’m not prejudiced in the slightest, I hate everyone equally.
Faking phone calls
This is something that I do quite regularly. I spot someone in public that I really don’t want to talk to, but I know it would look rude to blatantly ignore them. Instead, I whip out my phone and call my sister or my dad or anyone who’s willing to have a three minute conversation with me until the crisis is averted.
Moderate-to-severe chronic resting bitch face syndrome
“Are you ok? Are you mad at me? What’s wrong? You look awful!” I’m fine, I promise. I swear, this is just what my face looks like. It has nothing to do with you, trust me, I was born this way (cueing Lady Gaga in the background).
Being falsely accused of being flirty
In this new age of Tinder and “Netflix and chill” even the smallest of things can be mistaken as being flirty. “Do you joke around with him because you have a crush on him?” No, I joke around with him because I’m f*cking hilarious.
We love the way that we are
Although there are parts of me I don’t always love, I would never want to change. I love my sassy comebacks, my snarky humor, and my infectious laugh. They’re the things that make me, well, me.
