I would imagine that most of you reading this have been in at least one pretty serious relationship in your time. You know, the kind of relationship where you ask yourself serious questions about the other person. Like, could I raise children with them, be happy having sex with only them forever or even, can I really stand giving up half of my bed for the rest of my days?
If you've spent any time asking yourself such questions about another human, odds are you haven't had an easy time finding the answers. Not because you're unsure of your significant other, but because you are human and being human comes with a shit ton of doubt. Doubt about what the future holds and what your place in someone else's future looks like.
I myself have driven myself crazy with hypotheticals to help quell my worried mind. Will you be mad if I go out with the girls? Will you still love me if I cut my hair? Will we be together forever?
The trouble is, questions like that aren't easy to answer. Most times, they're nearly impossible.
My boyfriend has always been a sport with my hypothetical questions, humoring me with a kiss and giggle as opposed to something like "Bitch, I don't know." But damn if I know he doesn't want to.
At least, that's what I tell myself. But how can I be so sure that he feels annoyed by me? Perhaps he actually feels endeared to me. Maybe all of the laughs and kisses are just signs of love and admiration for my worrisome mind.
I think what I'm really trying to say here is that when you're in a committed relationship with another consenting adult, not everything is black and white. Like most areas of life, things are often a large array of shades of grey. Your own assumptions about the future are not necessarily the same as your partner and vice-versa.
I've found in my own relationships that the version of my significant other that exists in my mind is vastly different from the one who actually compromises with me in real life. Instead of allowing them to speak for themselves and express what their expectations are, I create a version of them based on all of my greatest fears.
I create a version that shoots down all of my hopes and dreams because I fear rejection.
I create a version that screams and lacks common sense because I fear instability.
I create a version that doesn't truly love me because I fear I am unlovable.
And to be honest, that list goes on and on.
Though what I often find I am presented with is a loving, trusting and understanding partner who wants only to see me happy. I would recommend, that if you are anything like me, start giving your significant other the benefit of the doubt. Life and the places it will take us are not always so clear. It is important to embrace the grey and highlight the strength of love and trust over speculation and fear.
