So last week was the 2016 Republican National Convention. If you didn’t get a chance to watch any of it, you missed the biggest political circus in recent history. It was completely disorganized and the Republicans did nothing to paint their vision for America – something that you’re supposed to do during these conventions. Instead, they spent the whole time chanting about locking up Hillary Clinton (how Soviet of them) and instilling more fear in Americans. So let’s get into the nitty gritty details:
Day 1: Debacles
So going into the convention there was a lot of talk about violent protests breaking out. There was no violence, but there were plenty of protestors. However, the media didn’t cover any of that because the people inside speaking turned out to be crazier than the protestors.
Before the Convention, Trump promised that the Convention speaking list would be full of “big stars” and athletes. Instead, we got has-been Scott Baio on the first day. And no, I had no idea who he was so I had to Google him and still couldn’t figure it out. However, he did make a name for himself this Convention by tweeting out a meme that called Hillary Clinton a “c*nt.” Classy!!!!!
Former soap star and D-list celebrity Antonio Sabado Jr. also spoke and said that President Obama was “absolutely” a Muslim. Well Antonio, you’re absolutely a disgrace. Also, I, along with the rest of America, have no idea who you are.
Senator Tom Cotton of Arkansas who is a supposed rising star in the Republican Party gave a speech. He was so bad at speaking I’m not sure how he’s a frontrunner to run for president in 2020. Cotton gave the most boring and unmemorable speech.
Former Mayor of New York, Rudy Giuliani gave a psychotic speech where he just screamed the whole. Because of the poor planning of the Trump campaign and the RNC, Giuliani spoke during the primetime 10pm to 11pm slot instead of speaking at his original time of 9pm.
And of course, Melania’s Trump speech. The pièce de résistance. This was supposed to be the speech that softened Donald Trump’s image and make him appeal more to Republican women, but instead it was a plagiarized speech from Michelle Obama’s 2008 Convention speech. No, I’m not kidding. Turns out that Melania’s speech had two paragraphs plagiarized from Michelle Obama. Of course the Trump campaign denied it for two days and said it was just a coincidence. At one point there were twenty-six words in a row that were exactly the same in both speeches. An analyst ran the chances behind that happen coincidentally and it was literally one in a trillion. So yeah there you have it.
After Melania spoke, she was followed by Lieutenant General Michael Flynn who is a former Democrat. Not sure why he was there. Oh right, he has a book that just came out. Funny coincidence!
Another GOP “rising star”, Senator Joni Ernst of Iowa, gave a boring speech. The Trump campaign is suffering in their poll numbers with Republican women. Many are going to vote for Hillary Clinton, not vote, or vote third party. But of course, the Trump campaign did not put Ernst, a female Republican and war veteran, in primetime speaking spot. She spoke at like 11:15 as people in the convention hall were leaving to get to their parties. Strategic thinking, Trump.
Day 2: The Fact Free Zone
Day 2 of the Republican Convention only got worse and weirder than the previous day.
Paul Ryan gave a weird speech that looked painful. Him talking about wanting to elect Donald Trump was just so fake. To be honest, Ryan looked like he was giving that speech at gunpoint.
That same night, Governor Chris Christie, and Postmates delivery guy, gave a speech in which he led the audience in a “lock her up” chant. Nice to see that a sitting governor in 2016 is leading a Salem Witch Trials-esque chant of a political opponent.
Christie’s tirade was followed by a speech from Tiffany Trump. The point of a speech from a candidate’s spouse or child is to paint the candidate in a more heartwarming and friendly light. Tiffany, and no one in the Trump family, was able to do that. She spoke very well, but her speech was not memorable and did little-to-nothing to soften her father’s image.
Donald Trump Jr. came out and gave a weird speech about education reform and Dodd-Frank instead of giving nice anecdotes about his dad. At one point he attacked the elites at the top. There’s something rich about that coming from Don Jr. considering that he spends hundreds of thousands of dollars to go to Africa and shoot endangered animals. Like there’s literally a photo of him and his brother holding up a dead leopard. Cool. Needless to say, this is not the last we will see of Don Jr. He looked like a guy who was trying to set himself up for a career in politics. I won’t be surprised if he announces that he is going to run for Governor of New York next year.
Dr. Ben Carson gave the most interesting, to put it nicely, speech of the night. He spewed out a bunch of classic nonsense, but at one point he insinuated that Hillary Clinton idolized Lucifer??? I don’t know and I don’t think anyone else does either.
A personal highlight for be was when Kimberlin Brown, yet another soap star, spoke last on the second night. She, for some reason, kept talking about avocado farm and her acting “career” and how that somehow equated to her support of Trump. By the time she started speaking almost the whole hall was empty, but fear not Kimberlin, I was your lone supporter cheering you on from my home. Hear’s to hoping that if Trump wins, he makes her Agriculture Secretary.
The second day theme was supposed to be about the economy and jobs and instead was a cluster. Everyone just talked about locking up Hillary Clinton and how she might worship the devil. Two days in and still no offerings of policy.
Day 3: The Cruz Coup
Marco Rubio gave the weirdest video lukewarm, half-endorsement on Earth. He didn’t bother coming to the Convention, but filmed a hostage video instead. Some even compared it to President Snow’s video addresses in the Hunger Games series. You watch it. You be the judge.
After that, Ted Cruz delivered the most controversial and unexpected speech of the whole 2016 Republican National Convention. He told the audience and people watching at home to “vote your conscious” which basically means to not vote for Trump. Cruz was booed and even his wife was harassed after his speech. This left pundits and Americans watching at home surprised. How could Trump let someone who was not going to endorse him speak in a primetime spot at the Convention?
A week before, Cruz and Trump met and announced that Cruz would speak the Convention. I thought Trump was supposed to be amazing at deals. He makes the best deals. How did Cruz walk away from that meeting with a primetime speaking slot, but Trump couldn’t walk away with an endorsement. Imagine how Trump would handle negotiations with other countries. Count me out.
After Cruz’s coup, Trump child came out and spoke about their father. Eric Trump had good delivery, but there was no substance to his speech. I don’t understand how the Trump kids had not a single nice anecdote to tell about their father. That is like the bread and butter of familial Convention speeches.
So this was supposed to be Mike Pence’s night to really introduce himself to America. However, I have no recollection of what he said even though I watched his entire speech live. To write this article, I tried finding a transcript of his speech online so I could refresh my memory, but even that was hard to find. That’s because Cruz stole every headline from Day 3 of the Convention. Even at night after the day’s speeches, all the news networks and pundits were talking about Cruz.
Day 4: The Grand(?) Finale
The last night of the Republican National Convention was when Ivanka Trump was supposed to give an amazing speech about her father and then he would come out and lay out his vision for America. A one-two punch.
Yeah, that didn’t happen.
Ivanka gave a very nice speech, but once again, it did nothing to soften her father’s image. Her speech was soon to become overshadowed by her father long and gloomy speech.
So yeah. Donald Trump gave a 75-minute speech where he made America seem like it was something out of a dystopian novel. People are dying everywhere. The terrorists are winning. There is no law and order (he’s the law and order candidate by the way). His speech scared me until I realized that America is going through some problems right now, but it’s fine. There’s not violence at every corner. We only have to work out some kinks.
Bad news for Trump, he did nothing to broaden his appeal to minorities or women during the Convention, which was his main goal going into Cleveland. The American public was given any specific policy agendas from the Republican Party unless you count building the wall. But even then, they did not offer how they are going to pay for it or how they are going to pay for the deportation of over 11 million people.
In conclusion, mission not accomplished for the Republicans. It’ll be interesting to see how the Democrats respond this week at their Convention in Philadelphia. I can guarantee one thing, they won’t be chanting to lock up their political opponents.
