“Love... what does it really mean?” I can’t tell you how many times I have asked that question and how many times someone asked me that question. It is not easy to answer. Yeah, it's a verb and it indicates an action. It's also a strong emotion that comes with a lot of feelings. It will give you smiles and warmth on bad days, but it can bring a windstorm of pain too. It's not all butterflies and tickles, but it's not all bad either. However, all of this does not qualify for the definition of love.
Just a few months ago, I had a dream or a vision (I am not sure which one it was) where my husband and I (by the way, I am as single as a feather flying in the wind) were being interviewed about what love is and our reason for getting married.
As we began to respond to the question, we looked at each other, smiled, and said that being in love was not the main and only reason as to why we got married. Love was a part of the reason, but not the whole “kit and caboodle” as to why we got married.
I am guessing you are thinking, “But isn’t that the reason why most people get married? BECAUSE you are in love?!” Ehh… Not entirely. Some people get married for many different reasons: Companionship, sex, lust, culture, or just because it is something to do. Nah bruh, not all marriages are based off of love. Unfortunately, that’s not how some relationships work.
You may ask, “But getting married because you are in love, is a valid reason, right?”. Yet again, it is hard to say. Yes, it is cool and GREAT to get married for that very reason, but valid? Eh, no. Being married calls for so much more than just being in love and being with that person forever.
Now, you're probably looking at me like I am nuts because here I am, a 26-year-old college student who has never dated anyone and the biggest thing I have ever did with a guy is dance with him on the dance floor. But it is true! I have seen many people get married, or, be close to marriage (i.e. engaged couples, or, couples dating) only because of being in love and it ends up that their relationship cannot withstand the blows of life.
Now, do not get me wrong, this is not the case for every couple (I know some of those couples too), but do you really want to take that chance? Let’s be smart about this and use the wisdom, knowledge, and brain cells that God has given us to make wise choices which will lead to some wise results.
So what does it really mean?
If you really sit down and think about it using scripture, wisdom, and knowledge of God, the components of love are what makes this love-thing work! Think about it this way… Love is like Gorilla Glue, and y'all know that Gorilla Glue is some strong stuff! But what makes the Gorilla Glue what it is? The ingredients! You’re right! It is these ingredients (components) that were mixed together to make it sticky and when applied, it sticks together, right? Right! So, what do these ingredients consist of? I am glad you asked!
Love is everything that 1st Corinthians 13: 4-8 (VOC) says that it is:
- Love is patient
- Love is kind
- Love does not envy
- Love does not boast, brag, nor strut about
- Love is not arrogant
- Love is not rude, crude, nor indecent
- Love is not self-absorbed
- Love is not easily upset
- Love does not keep record of wrongdoings
- Love does not celebrate injustice
- Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along
- Love trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.
- Love will never become obsolete (This means love will never become out of date or “old-fashioned.” Thanks google! Lol).
This is TRUE Love, y'all! Love in its purest form; it’s only form! This is what you call, Agape love. Now, I am sure that some of y'all know the different types of love in the Bible, but let’s have a quick review:
- Eros – Sexual Love (mmhm… that sexual healing… y'all know what it is!)
- Storge – Natural, familial Love (Mi familia!)
- Philia – Friendship Love (Mi amigos <3)
- Agape – Self Sacrificing Love
With that in mind, the love that is found in 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 is AGAPE to the fullest! Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the other types of love, including Eros. Eros love is a gift from God to and for married couples. Eros love has a tendency to get a bad rep because of its use in sinful nature, and most people connect it as being a bad type of love, when it isn’t. Just like with anything, when you focus on it so much, more than the Lord your God, you find yourself in a place of worship of another other than God. Just that simple.
Anyway, there a lot of people that get married because of love, combine that with different definitions of love, and mix in no communication of what love they are giving and receiving = Dangerous combo.
You don’t want to find yourself in marriage where you got married because of Agape and your spouse because of Eros. Yikes! More than just your feathers would be ruffled. God made marriage to be the total representation of how He loves us as the church. So, guess what? Getting married and being married ain’t about you! It ain’t about your spouse either!
Love Means Self-Sacrifice!
Yeah, it’s cute and sweet to get married because you are in love, but that ain’t no reason to do so, boo. Being married means so much more than being in love and creating a family. It means that you are ready and willing to sacrifice everything that your ego is telling you not too.
A lot of people have the perception that love and marriage is a place where they are going to be served, but jump in not knowing they are called to serve.
Agape love is exactly what God called for us to do, especially in marriage!! It is selfless. It means that it's more of him/her and LESS of you. It means that you understand that your love isn't the only thing that holds things together: it's your patience, understanding, peace, communication, loyalty, and selflessness. It's the substance and mixture that makes the "glue" sticky. It also means that you know that your love for one another is NOT ONLY about you and that person. But it's about a bigger plan, a bigger construction of lives put together that are waiting on you both to serve.
When God said that husband and wife become one flesh, He was not kidding! This love thing is deeeeeep. Deeper than just the two of you, deeper than the commonality between the both of you, AND deeper than anything outside of you. It's two people uniting together in one selfless act to serve one another and others.
Now, I'm not saying this love needs to be learned and applied before you get married, but try to have a clear definition and understanding of what is expected of you. It's a lot... I know. But it's okay. You are not expected to be an expert at this in one day. I am definitely not expert, but I am willing and ready to learn and you can do just that. I’m still walking in Love and it’s not easy by any means. It’s one of those things you take one day at a time, especially when it is applied to your enemies. It was created to be perfected through time.
So, sit back, take a breath, and soak it in.
One. Day. At. A. Time.
This is what Love is.
With Love,
Me.
