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Politics and Activism

A Compilation of Things That Lasted Longer Than Brock Turner in Jail

The system has failed again.

Nancy Garzon

Sep 27, 2016

The College of Wooster

A Compilation of Things That Lasted Longer Than Brock Turner in Jail

nbcnews.com

Rapist Brock Turner, who sexually assaulted an innocent woman, was recently released after 3 months in jail for "good behavior". Proving once again how the system fails to convict rapists. I have compiled a list of things that lasted longer than Brock Turner in jail.

1. The sunset.

2.The time it takes for water to boil.

3. The milk sitting in my mom's fridge.

4. The time it takes for me to wait until my stir fry is done cooking.

5. Waiting for popcorn to finish popping in the microwave.

6. A 20-minute nap

7. The time it takes to update my laptop.

8. Usain Bolt sprinting 200m.

9. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' marriage.

10. Taking a poop.

11. Martha Stewart in prison.

12. The pause after Dora asks the audience a question.

13. Rebecca Black's career.

14. This video.

15. Time it takes to charge my phone.

16. Time it takes a streetlight to change.

17. Summer

18. Christmas

19. Jimmy John's delivery service

20. The Olympics

21. Getting grounded for not washing dishes

22. Binge watching The Office

23. Jim and Pam getting together in The Office

24. A 90-minute soccer match

25. A semester in college

26. Domino's delivering my pizza

27. Taking a cold shower on a hot day

28. The line at the Basics section during lunch rush

29. The time it took to write this article.

30. The time it took Cincinnati Zoo to kill Harambe.

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A Compilation of Things That Lasted Longer Than Brock Turner in Jail

The system has failed again.

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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