For everyone in the pageant world that is reading this, you know that when I say that competing in pageants is a journey is a very cliché thing to say, but it is so true. There are many ups and downs, many lessons learned, and constant growth internally and externally. I have been in this journey for six years now, and I am still experiencing ups and downs, learning and growing. There are many, many things that pageantry has taught me – more than I would have ever imagined. That’s why I decided to create a four-part series about what competing in pageants has taught me; to reflect on the amount of growth I have experienced, to encourage young women to go out of their comfort zone and compete if they are considering to give it a shot, to resonate with the young women who do compete and need a little reassurance that pageantry is not a waste of time, and to educate people who may not know too much about what really goes on in pageants - both in competition and in the young women competing.

Alright, let’s face it, pageantry wouldn’t be nearly as exciting if it weren’t a cut-throat type of competition. But not to scare people away, when I say, “cut-throat competition," it doesn’t by any way mean that it’s catty. Girls aren’t ripping out each other’s hair extensions or sabotaging competitors’ evening gowns by spilling butt glue all over them. (And if you are experiencing these things, there’s something off there and we aren’t talking about the same thing). There is nothing wrong with competition, and in many ways it’s healthy to engage in some type of competition. Take being in a sport for example: no matter what type of sport it is, they all boil down to the fact that they’re very competitive and the outcome depends on your performance in comparison to the other competitors’ more than anything. Just like pageantry.

Through pageants I have learned a lot about sportsmanship. How you act in competition is a reflection of your true character. It’s just a plain fact that whether it is a good or bad portrayal will affect many areas in your life, but you get to choose how that goes. When it comes to winning and losing, I have a plethora of experience and wisdom to share. I’ve had many losses before and even after I won my first state title, and I have learned so much from both of those sides of competition.

If you compete in a pageant and you are so blessed to be chosen as the winner, there are a few things to remember that are also important life lessons. First and foremost, it is so, so, SO important to be a gracious winner. Not that I have ever seen anyone win that wasn’t, but it’s just a nice reminder. It is one of those moments where you feel pretty much every emotion all at once. A few things to remember in that moment: Thank the judges, thank your family and everyone that’s a part of your team who have helped you in this journey, and thank God for the amazing opportunity that you’ve been given to spend the next year with a title. In all reality, without them, none of it would have been possible. I know that it is such a crazy moment and most of the time it’s like an out-of-body experience where your mind goes totally blank so you can’t control what you do, but I always appreciate when I see a newly-crowned title holder thank the judges and acknowledge her family or any other supporters in the crowd. It just makes you look like you are very down-to-earth, and truly appreciative of the job you have just been awarded. When I won my first state title in February, I was overwhelmed with emotions. All of my hard work and all of the stress of months that I had felt so pressured by ended up to be worth it, and I was just a mess on a rollercoaster of different feelings. But, out of all the emotions I was feeling, the biggest one that I felt was gratitude.

Now, speaking from experience again, when you win there will be comments made that will either build you up or tear you down. Whether or not the tearing-down comments are intentional or not, you have to remember what state of spirit they’re being said from. You won for a reason, this is your moment and your time. Be the gracious titleholder that you were chosen to be and don’t let those negative comments rain on your parade. There will be times in your life when you achieve something that you have been working so hard for and have given your all into. There will be people who won’t understand why you want to achieve that goal in the first place, and when the time comes that you attain it, it seems that they are incapable of being happy for you. You can’t let those nay-sayers get into your head. You know how hard you’ve worked, what it means to you, and that is truly enough. You can’t look for others’ approval and depend on others’ opinions of you to define who you are.

Inversely, there are a few things to remember when you aren’t chosen as the winner. Much like when you win, it is so, so, SO important to be a gracious loser. Whether you make Top 15, Top 10, Top 5, or First Runner-Up: Thank the judges, thank your family and everyone that’s a part of your team who have helped you in this journey, and thank God for the amazing opportunity that you’ve been given to even step foot on stage and compete. Getting on stage and putting yourself out there before a group of people you don’t know to judge you purely on impression and performance takes a lot of courage. Be proud of that accomplishment. There have been a few times that I have seen someone act not so graciously when they don’t make Top 5, or if they do make Top 5 and they receive a Runner-Up. I’m going to give it to you straight-up and say that it doesn’t make you look good. At all. If you are one of those girls that are fortunate to make it that far, remember that there are plenty of other girls that would have loved to even make the semi-finals and let alone place Top 5.

Yes, it’s okay to be upset and feel disappointed, because you are entitled to your emotions. But, for the sake of your reputation and for the girl that was chosen to be the winner, you should be gracious and thankful for your experience, regardless of your outcome. Congratulate the winner and be there for her, because it’s her moment this time around. Every time I watched a girl get a crown placed on her head instead of me, of course I was disappointed, but I was also happy for her and excited to see what she does in the year ahead. Knowing how much it means to the new queen, every time I will go up to her and tell her congratulations, and then I move on. When the time came for me to be crowned, I appreciated every single girl that came up to me, hugged me, and congratulated me because I know what it’s like to be in their shoes. It may seem like a small gesture, and sometimes it’s tough to do, but it ultimately means the world. I’ve had more experience not winning than winning, placing everywhere on the spectrum from only Top 15, to Top 5, to Fourth Runner-Up, Second Runner-Up, and First Runner-Up. Some of them I’d received more times than others. What I’ve learned from the diversity of placements is that a pageant is based only on a weekend’s worth of impressions and performance. If it were another weekend and another set of judges, there would be a different winner and a different group of girls in different placements.

In the real world there will be times when you don’t win or achieve what you are striving towards, or things don’t go the way that you planned or wanted them to. It’s in those times that you need to acknowledge what you can improve on and do better the next time around. Life is a constant learning experience, and you take out of it what you choose to. It shows a lot about character when you are able to celebrate the victories of others. Don’t look at the success of others as your defeat, but let it motivate you even more. When you see other people seemingly succeed so easily, think about more than what is on the outside. Think about your own hard work, and parallel what it took for them to get where they are. Your journey is your own, and the right attitude can make the world of difference if you make do with the cards that have been dealt to you.