We all go through life experiencing unfulfilled expectations from others. It may be an expectation to marry your significant other, an expectation to get the job you are desiring, or maybe even something much simpler such as expecting someone to pay for your meal when you go out. As time goes on, you may be left with disappointment that those dreams fail to become a reality. Bitterness begins to grow in our hearts, and we have this mentality that maybe we set the bar too high for ourselves. To be honest, why expect things from others in the first place?
I am not saying to not have dreams and desires. I am saying that instead of coasting through life under assumptions, why not communicate to others what the situation is? Why not speak your mind on how you see it? Why not lay it all out to have a mutual understanding? If you get into relationships for the result of marriage, explain that upfront. If you would like a pay raise at work, talk with your boss. If you aren’t sure of the intentionality of a friendship, have a discussion. Stop expecting and assuming from others; it only creates drama and miscommunications.
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Assumptions and expectations are not communicating how you feel. It actually in reality is playing mental games with yourself, as well as with others. Is it that hard to say what is on your mind? In this past year, I have learned to stop having expectations from others; this created a healthy barrier for me to guard my heart. When people would pay for me, it meant more because I wasn’t expecting it. When someone would do something nice for me, I was then more surprised. When people would compliment me on their own, it meant that much more. Expecting obligations creates an unhealthy “I deserve this” attitude that is completely uncalled for.
Now once you clearly state what is on your mind, whatever that may be, then you can hold the other person accountable for the boundaries you have set up; Whether that be in a job, in a relationship, in friendship, or whatever may apply here. I believe that the root cause of many arguments and disagreements is a lack of communication. Simply put, we are living under assumptions and not communicating what is on our minds; we are expecting instead of talking. Do we need any more stress added to what we already have? Do we need the extra drama? Do we need extra fighting in our day? I don’t believe anyone can truly say yes to any of those questions.
Communicating is key in any given situation. Boundaries are just as important as well. Expecting and assuming from others creates another headache we simply don’t need. Have those open conversations. Set clear, healthy boundaries to protect your heart. Learn to not just assume what others are thinking. If a job isn’t satisfactory to your needs, then seek other work. If a relationship isn’t everything you hoped it would be, move on. If others aren’t respecting your boundaries, then find new friends. It may be scary, absolutely, but isn’t it worth it to respect yourself? Isn’t it worth it to find a tribe of people that truly care for you, instead of settling for just good enough? Is it not worth it to go where you are thriving, and not just surviving? I believe it is. Are you ready to give up the mind games and start sticking up for yourself? Only you have the power to make that change, no one else. Today is the perfect opportunity to make that change; go for it.
