More often than not, our daily interactions outside of the realms of social media and group chats named in snarky ways, are based on seeing the people we care about through plans for coffee, partying, or just a casual hang out. Most of us spend lots of hours of days thinking of what to do, how to do it, and who to do it with. So, when our normal routine of seeing people out and about changes due to relocation, long distance, change of circumstances, or even a global pandemic, it makes communication tricky but albeit all the more important.
I mean, what happens when those plans can't happen? Should you furiously snapchat your entire best friends list to keep them up to date? Or maybe instagram is your muse and your rinsta is turning into a finsta with all the posting trying to reach people? OR social media may not be your thing and now you're FaceTiming every person in your contacts list? I mean, not that there's anything wrong with either (you gotta do what you love and what feels right), but these methods in practice aren't really efficient in effectively communicating with the people we care about on a personal level that gives the same gratification of connection that your in person outings would have.
People can talk for hours, post for hours, or reach out for hours and nothing happens. Why is that? It's because people can talk about nothing important for hours, post things that other people really couldn't give less of a crap about (sorry, I said it), or reach out in all the wrong ways or about the wrong things. The key to communicating effectively has a lot of different components. But, most important of all you can't communicate just for the sake of talking about you, you have to be able and willing to comprehend what the other person says and needs. Sometimes, we want to reach out and talk to people, but if you don't see someone in person they may not be in a place where they feel like they want to communicate, or haven't found a new way that feels right for them. And that's okay, it happens. Not everyone is going to want to talk all of the time, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try or create an environment inviting enough for them to feel comfortable to reach out when they decide they do want to talk.
Communicating with a distance can look like many things. Maybe it is a snapstreak, a constant thread of DM-ing memes, texting, factiming, or even just a good old phone call. Any and every way is valid if it works for you and the person on the other end of the line of communication. But sometimes, we want more. Or, circumstances can change and with distance added the dynamic may need to change to keep the same feeling of closeness with that other person. When that happens, it's good to reach out every now and then in different ways until you figure out your groove for communicating with the people in your life. Remember, just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for them.
So, start by shooting a text here and there, or calling them every once in a while. Even if it's just to say hi, reaching out whenever you're thinking about a person, want to talk, need something, or want to catch up is a good thing that shows the other person you care and want to be in communication with them. But, be explicit. Sometimes there really is no intention other than just want to causally talk to that person, but be clear about how you're feeling, and be open and detailed in conversation. No-one is a mind reader, and if they can't see you day to day how are they supposed to know what's up with you or how you've been? Same goes for communicating with others. People really only know what you tell them and what you show them. So when you reach out do it in a meaningful way. Ask them how they're doing, be receptive and listen to them, and make sure to be engaging with whatever you are talking about in addition to them as a person. This doesn't mean drag on the conversation or pretend to be interested, be honest and let people know if you're even in the mood to talk or not. Sometimes we don't have the energy to do that, and that's okay. Just let the other person know so you're on the same page. Communicating effectively doesn't mean chatting 24/7, it just means speaking to be understood, and listening to understand.
Happy, sad, bored, or anything else, people always feel some way that may not align with you. That's why you have to communicate. If you're keeping things inside or playing a guessing game with the other person, don't. Ask, discuss, and elaborate. A conversation can only go as far as the effort you put into it. Being apart from someone and wanting to maintain that relationship takes just as much effort, if not more than, seeing them in person. Check in every now and then whenever you feel like it, and even if you don't. Communication goes both ways, some days you may talk more and some days you may listen more. There is no right or wrong, communication is personal and unique to every person as well as their relationships. Different methods, duration, depth, and frequency are all okay. But, if you don't try to communicate effectively, you may not figure that out. So give it a shot and figure it out, be open and honest and see how that changes the dynamics between you and your loved ones. Communicate your needs, wants, feelings, and do it openly. Once a new line of communication is open, you're not only fostering the relationships you already have with people, but helping them grow.
