All my life I have been what people call, "quiet." I will admit I don't talk as much as others do and I don't like to raise my voice often either. I have no problem with being a quiet person. However, it is the insensitive commentary that I constantly get for being quiet that makes it unpleasant.
"You're so quiet." I hate this. Why do you need to point it out? Why does it matter? Public service announcement: people who are quiet do not like being told so constantly. It's not like anyone says to someone, "Hey, you're really loud." For some reason, when someone tells you you're quiet, it never feels like a compliment- ever. I repeat, telling someone they're "so quiet" is not a compliment. If anything you need to word it differently. For example, say I'm good at listening to you or thank me for keeping my voice down. More importantly, not everyone is quiet as they seem. Personally, I don't like talking a lot around people I don't know. I never actually shut up around the people I am close to and comfortable with, but others don't know that. Instead others feel the need to judge someone from the little they know and label them.
"You should talk more." I also hate this. Starting any sentence with, "you should..." is rudely suggestive that we are doing something wrong and believe me, I am doing just fine thank you. If I wanted to talk then I would. Quiet people constantly feel pressure to be more talkative. But here's a little secret... most of us are living our lives happily without the need to be talkative enough for some people. Nothing is wrong with being quiet so why make it seem like there is? Telling someone they need to talk more is so offensive. It just shows how ignorant and careless the person is.
"That is the loudest I've heard you speak." Wow, thanks. Yeah, no that is definitely not a compliment. It's a comment and a very unnecessary one to speak out loud. It's like telling someone they look tired. It's a rude observation that you should keep to yourself instead of making the other person feel like crap. When it comes to these type of comments people don't think about what they're saying. Here's a rule of thumb before opening your mouth: If it is something that can be fixed within five seconds then go ahead. An example of this is, "there's a piece of food in your teeth," or "your shirt is on backwards." When you tell someone they look tired- well crap, there's nothing they can do about that at the moment. They just have to sit there and have you rub salt in a wound they know exists. Not only are they physically tired, wanting to go to bed, but they are also tired of you and your rude comments. More importantly, being quiet isn't something that needs to be fixed! There's nothing wrong with people who are quiet, so why make a comment about it? Stop making quiet people feel like crap just because we aren't like you. You can either accept us for who we are and not make insulting remarks or you can leave. It's pretty simple really. Educate yourself. Be polite.
There is a stigma attached to being quiet. Being more talkative has always been accepted more in society. Be loud and proud they say. Then quiet people get labeled as closed off or reserved. In a lot of cases, just because you're quiet you're automatically a bunch of other things: cute, sweet, shy, innocent, humble, soft, gentle, etc. Those are pretty annoying assumptions and I hate being put in a box. Just because I am quiet does not make me shy. There's a difference. Yet, I've been called shy all my life. It made me hate being quiet because people think I am something I'm not. Even more so, quiet people also get labeled as awkward, weird, outcast, stuck up, mean, and reserved. The list goes on. Furthermore, it can be very frustrating being someone who doesn't talk as much.
People have told me I need to branch out more and talk to more people. But those same people also don't know me. They don't know I'm on a dance team or joined a new club. They don't know that I just went out the other day with some friends. Quiet people can hardly be themselves when others are making irksome remarks and giving us unwanted advice. People need to be more courteous and considerate of others in what they say and do. Also just because I don't hang out with the people you do, does not make me quiet/not outgoing. I don't know how many times people have come up to me, making me feel as if there's something wrong with me. It has made me become incredibly self conscious in everything I do.
Just because I'm quiet and introverted doesn't make me not outgoing. So many people do not understand what it means to be an introvert. People think they know, but they really don't. It is a common misconception that extroverts are loud and outgoing. Introverts are turtles in their shells. It has nothing to do with that. Introversion and extroversion are based on energy. Extroverts are energized by others. Therefore, spending lots of time with people makes them feel energized and happy. Introverts get energized by people too except being around others too long is draining. They enjoy time by themselves and like to recharge. A lot of introverts socialize easily, but choose not to. As a person, I am very introverted. I like staying in. That doesn't mean I stay in all the time. I don't live under a rock or under my sheets. However, people constantly assume that. It's like they see those who don't socialize as much as small, silent mice in the corner. Being loud doesn't make you better, so please don't act like it.
I am very fed up with the things people say to others who are quiet. I have experienced and still do experience it all the time. I wish people wouldn't be so careless in what they say. You should think before you speak. Maybe not speak at all if you don't know what you're talking about. If you have ever made one of the comments above, please refrain from doing so again. Making these comments makes you part of the problem why quiet people are so misunderstood. You may ask, "why haven't quiet people ever said anything?" Well, what are we supposed to say? Loud people don't listen half the time and will continue to make remarks like that anyway. But here I am, writing to tell you to stop. So there. Quiet people get so much crap for being quiet, so why don't we make an effort to stop it?
To my fellow "quiet" people, keep doing you. Keep being yourself. Disregard the rude commentary of others. It is more than okay to be quiet. You are not an outcast. You are a person. Never feel the need to pressure yourself into being someone you're not for the sake of someone who doesn't understand you. Make friends that don't push you to be something else, but appreciate you for who you are.
